Monday, June 14, 2010

Sustainability, Pregnancy, and Compromises

I have not been writing so much lately (except in my private journal). This seems to have been a time of inner-reflections for me and coming to the realization that we are in the process of being participants in creating a new family member.  I am also in the midst of morning sickness..the most unrewarding, slow period of pregnancy (in my experience)... (the baby is sooo small at this point--the size of a large olive) All of the enjoyment I have found from cooking and gardening and trying new things is now dwarfed by this feeling of nausea...Right now, I am just trying to get through each day..I'm slowing down..falling back on old recipes (and even not cooking, but doing take-out, warming up frozen Trader Joes meals)---It feels icky to me to be regressing in my food goals, but right now I can't stand being in the kitchen or doing dishes.  I am eating much more sugar than usual...I get liquids down by drinking juice or carbonated juices/gingerale.  I'm not saying this to sound all dramatic--or to complain.. but to admit that I have been compromising in order to get through these few weeks.. I don't like it. I don't feel good about it, but not sure how else to do it. All I can say is that it is temporary...this will pass and I will be ravenous for good food again.  (I haven't been eating completly badly---I still make soup and salad still tastes pretty good, and some fruits..)  but I have bought a fair amount of "processed foods" lately...and it kind of feels icky..  I've mainly steered away from a good portion of processed foods for awhile.. not completely, but my dependence upon them has greatly decreased over the past couple of years (until now)-- 

I guess I say all this because I wish to be honest in the struggle towards sustainability..  It is not always straightforward--and the journey is not always upwards 100% of the time.  I do know that I can't wait for this part to be over and to be back to cooking from scratch, making bread, gardening more enthusiastically...  I love 2nd trimester (nesting)

This is one of those challenging periods...what does one do, when one can't cook?  A supportive community is good in this case.. (not that I expect anyone to be bringing food over)--but in a much more ideal community life--that might happen more..  and then fewer "processed food" compromises would need to be made.  I really really don't mean that to put anyone in my community down for not doing it at all! (I haven't done it for others enough to even come close to hoping for this)--and I do think one Baha'i in our community actually did offer to do this for me, which I haven't felt compelled to call her on yet..    But, it is a mind-set...that I'm not even fully a part of yet... 

And, if I was working, it would be even harder to make healthy food at this point..  All in all, I'm grateful.  I'm in my 9th week, my first doctor's appointment is Friday..So far so good..I'm not bed-ridden or dehydrated (knock on wood)..I'm functioning...but on a much slower, less productive pace..  and it seems to be a time of reflection...I think I'm paying attention to my kids more as I am less distracted by getting things done..  There have been some good moments with them lately.. 

This is also a good reminder of what it might feel like to have chronic health issues...this nausea doesn't really go away...it is always with me except when I sleep..  It waxes and wanes in its intensity, but I know it will be mostly over in a couple of weeks (I hope)..  I have to find a way to ignore it, but still not ignore it so much that I'm forgetting to keep snacking to keep it minimal..  to remember to drink..even though it makes it feel worse..  Mind over matter..so that I can keep going and not completely have it rule me.  Like an exercise in mediation..  How does one "ignore" nausea??  Well, some tricks I have found involved going outside...esp. when it is sunny..(that helps) ginger helps, snacks help, getting protein helps, talking to friends really helps, (and simply laying down) helps.  (Being on the computer does not help, however)  :-/

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