Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Loss and Strength and Love: Japan and Here.

I have some sweet sweet friends who have been going through my worst fear..  My heart aches for them every day..and in the reality that life and death live side by side and that life is always in flux..our physical existence is not something we have complete control over.  The earthquake in Japan is but one reminder of the fact that our homes are built upon a thin crust over a hot liquid that can move..and shift..and no where is truly safe from that shifting. (or other kinds) Nature is not always kind..in many ways..

One of my dear sweet friends who used to babysit my children, was pregnant the same time as me..and due just a month after.  About a month ago, she gave birth to her sweet son, and he was born not breathing..  We went to his memorial this weekend.  I am repeatedly touched by their resolve through this and the wisdoms they shared.  For one, this incredible soul-mamma spoke before us and said that there is nothing to fear..not life or death and that her son taught her that..that life and death exist together..She quoted from the Bible of the Kingdom..  She spoke with beauty and love and sincerity.. She spoke of her son's fiery and brave spirit.  I am in awe of their courage.  They believe that their son's short life was to open them(and others) up to burn away what is false (at least that is my interpretation of what they have said)..  They said they are no longer afraid of grief/loss.  They have not been afraid to share in the beauty of their son and the loss and pain they experience.  I haven't seen anything quite like the glow I feel from them right now..  the beauty in their pain..like love is surrounding them right now.  Yet, it truly is pain....but the burning pain of a sacrifice..and when I feel it, I want to hold my little daughter close..(I am afraid of grief and loss) and I desperately don't want to experience that kind of loss..  Can't imagine..don't want to imagine what it has been like for such a mass loss as in Japan..But I feel some comfort in watching this family go through this..some hope that in knowing I can't control the forces of nature..or God's will..that when loss does visit, it can be met with such strength and love..

I have another friend, who 10 months ago lost her 16 year old son.  He drowned in a river nearby..  The other day, we had coffee together and she described also with pain and in beauty of her love for him and a belief that he is with her still.  She said she is still standing there in that place when she first found out..she is still there screaming outside calling him home when he did not arrive home when he had said.  She had known before she was told..that she was not going to see him again in the physical..But she was and still is outside (metaphorically) screaming for him to come home.  I can't imagine a pain harder than this...the agony of being separated from your child.  

In the Baha'i writings, it is said that the next world is closer to us than our life vein..so in "reality" there is no true separation..  There is so much comfort in this, but it still hurts..hurts at the thought of it.  

I've been reading some of the writings of the philospopher, Epictetus.  The basic idea (which I'll have to insert the quote here when I find it) Is that it is not the events to be afraid of..nothing truly hurts us..It is our perception of those events that hurt us (or help us)..  We cannot control the events..but we can control how we perceive them.  We should focus on what we can control..(which is our perceptions)  I was also touched by a blog/email shared on FB by someone who was living in Tokyo with her little daughter during the time of the earthquake..and how she dealt with the "fear"..and how she was able to move beyond the fear..described how it was time to do something..and get out of the fear mindset.  How To Stop Being Afraid—Even When The Whole World Thinks You Should Be

The media portrays horror in relation to tragedies such as Japan..But I bet if we were there..yes, there is horror, but I bet there is a way of looking at it in a different way..The media shows the "physical horror of it" over and over again, but it does not show, the courage and the healing and the love adequately..the spiritual growing that can come from it.  or the beauty of the souls passing into the next world..the light they must see as they pass on..the love and light..that my dear friends have been experiencing in their loss of their baby-son..  The agony comes from the PTSD reliving of the horror-moment-physical-nature over and over again.. But there is another reality happening..I think the reality that God wants us to see.  The REALITY that my dear friends can see..as they experience their deepest of loss.  

When I lost my mother, I experienced this too...The PTSD feeling of the horror of losing her/how she was lost..but also the feeling of love and light..and the celebration of HER..and the love for her and her for me.  And the feeling of her spirit of who she was and IS..  and the reality that she is not gone..she is in my mind and heart somehow..close to me than my life vein.  I don't feel the PTSD anymore..But I did for quite a long time, but I do know the feeling LOVE of when she passed from her/for her and from my family and community who came to LOVE me and her and my dad during that time period..and from people who mention her who knew her and loved her..now..11 years later.  

There is more I could say..but I think that I have said what I needed to..for now.

Except that I encourage my readers to donate if you can to those who need help:  being a part of a world community, we cannot ignore those who are suffering...


You can also, if you feel inclined donate to the family who I mentioned who lost their baby.  They have some big medical expenses to pay off.  You can use paypal to:  lincolncrockett@gmail.com


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