I was an "only" child. I spent much of my childhood "longing" for a sibling. In that longing, I pretended I did have a brother or sister by using my dolls and playing with a neighbor child. I adopted siblings of my own...always needing to reach out for connection.. Trying to fill the "void" of what I wanted but couldn't have.
I thought I was "deprived" the joy of having a sibling.. Felt I had "missed out"..and I hoped that it still might happen.
Because I had no siblings, I was always "longing" for company..and for a larger family..or children of my own someday.
That "lack of"..created a discomfort in me..and a "desire" for something..that "motivated" me to fill that need..
That "wanting" and "needing" created within me a state of "searching"...
And because of that, I was more driven than I might have been..and eventually, I now have a larger family of my own..and I appreciate them with a passion..
What I lacked..became an asset, because it motivated me to "seek out" others.. And I appreciate my family much more than I would have had I had all my needs met as a child.
I think about that more and more when I see my children in "discomfort"...A part of me, wants to show my love for them and to help "Fill it"...Isn't that part of being a "good parent"?
I used to think so, until I started really thinking about it..
Sometimes, we need to let our children "be"... Let them process their discomfort..
Sometimes that discomfort creates within them what they need to become actualized adults.. If we are too quick to "fill" their void..with stuff, or rescue them from what they struggle with..we may be actually robbing them of a life lesson..or robbing them of the "deficit" that may turn into their greatest asset..
What do you think? Have you ever experienced this type of deficit-assest?
I think less, is definitely more. Our children have soooo much. Even when we get their rooms cleaned and streamlined, they feel better and even spend more time in there playing contentedly. I think children definitely need lots of time of unstructure, time to figure for themselves what they want to do, and how to go about it. I know for us, the less the t.v. is on, and even the more that I sit down and knit or sew, or do something more creative, they are more likely to find something creative to do. I think you are right, we have to "bite holes in our tongues" sometimes to avoid filling the gaps for them. They need to figure out what they are after, and hopefully they will take us along for the ride!
ReplyDeleteWhen my kids were growing up, I let them want anything. I never denied them that right. But they couldn't necessarily HAVE everything they wanted. Some parents either deny the child's wants or fulfill their every desire. I think you've reached a good balance.
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