Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Can Having "Less" Be an "Asset"?

I was an "only" child.  I spent much of my childhood "longing" for a sibling.  In that longing, I pretended  I did have a brother or sister by using my dolls and playing with a neighbor child.  I adopted siblings of my own...always needing to reach out for connection..  Trying to fill the "void" of what I wanted but couldn't have.

I thought I was "deprived" the joy of having a sibling..  Felt I had "missed out"..and I hoped that it still might happen.

Because I had no siblings, I was always "longing" for company..and for a larger family..or children of my own someday.

That "lack of"..created a discomfort in me..and a "desire" for something..that "motivated" me to fill that need..

That "wanting" and "needing" created within me a state of "searching"...

And because of that, I was more driven than I might have been..and eventually, I now have a larger family of my own..and I appreciate them with a passion..

What I lacked..became an asset, because it motivated me to "seek out" others..  And I appreciate my family much more than I would have had I had all my needs met as a child.

I think about that more and more when I see my children in "discomfort"...A part of me, wants to show my love for them and to help "Fill it"...Isn't that part of being a "good parent"?

I used to think so, until I started really thinking about it..

Sometimes, we need to let our children "be"...  Let them process their discomfort..

Sometimes that discomfort creates within them what they need to become actualized adults..  If we are too quick to "fill" their void..with stuff, or rescue them from what they struggle with..we may be actually robbing them of a life lesson..or robbing them of the "deficit" that may turn into their greatest asset..

What do you think?  Have you ever experienced this type of deficit-assest?


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