Friday, June 1, 2012

Finding a Quiet Place

Once a week, my husband leaves for work earlier, so he can come home earlier. That evening is mine. Often, I attend a class, but sometimes, I do other things. Last night, I went for a bike ride.  At first I wasn't sure where I wanted to go. I knew I didn't want to be inside, or to spend money..what I wanted was a quiet place, an oasis in nature.  I went to a watershed and I found a place to say prayers for my mother whose birthday was that day who would have been 68. Her last birthday on this plane, was her fifty-fifth. It was important to have a quiet moment to think of her. After that moment, I was rewarded by the bounty of the birds there..a very large great blue heron, and a bird I had to look up and might have been an American bittern.

Biking and stopping enabled me to experience where I was so much more than driving would have..I used to bike everywhere..and now I am trying to integrate my bike into my life more muscles are starting to is an amazing feeling, even afterwards in reflection.

Since getting married and having kids, my moments of reflection, alone time are moments of prayer and meditation are intruded upon so much, I often do not even try to find them anymore, but I need them..I can't give that quiet part of myself to my family if I starve that part of who I am. I do not want my children growing up and not even knowing what it is to feel mysticism in nature.

By nature, I am an introvert..and I have to recharge alone, in quiet...and I embrace that part of who I am as I write this..I embrace that in my heart, I am also an artist. I do not say I am a "good" artist, though..I am an eclectic one right now and I need to develop some specific art.. my art is the food I make, the knitting, the paintings I made back in college, my writing, gardening, photography, violin,.. besides caring for and loving my family, I am happiest in creating...that is how come I claim to be an artist. After all this time, it comes to that..

Now, that I am reaching 39 years soon, I am starting to think, I need to truly reach a skill level that resembles mastery rather than dabbling, but that is a challenge in negotiating time to put into it..stealing time..sacrificing sleep and housework sometimes. Still, even a little bit each day, makes a difference.

I go to the gym only once a week and I know that is inadequate, but lately, I have realized I am gaining some tone and losing some weight..even once a week at the gym is making a difference. (Hopefully the biking will also complement that now too) everything worth gaining is started in sustainable baby steps, at least when you are already working from 530am until 8pm taking care of kids and home.


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