Monday, October 15, 2012

Attachment Parenting and Honoring Solitude

I have never been one hundred percent sold on attachment parenting, but I was never much of a fan of having babies cry it out either. Our children co-slept when it was needed, and they slept on their own when co-sleeping was not helpful.  I always believed in adapting to what seemed to be truly healthy for all of us. (Including the marital relationship) i have breastfed with a similar philosophy. My son. (My first) nursed until I reached 20 weeks pregnant with my second child. (He was 18 mos) My second child I nursed until she was just shy of 3 and before starting preschool. My third child is 20 mos. And still nursing as long as it seems ok. I believe that the relationship is very important, the bonding, etc, however, I also believe there are times when meeting all their needs is actually unhealthy for them.  I don't think we as humans ever fully feel satisfied or have all our needs met and sometimes the needing and the longing helps push us to reach out to finding our own ways.  The discomfort is useful for growth. I want my children to be safe and happy, but I also want them to have coping skills that will help them with some of the cruelty they most certain The best I ly will encounter in this world. I cannot protect them fully from that. The best I can do is to help them develop the skills they need.

Our oldest children shared a room for 5 years. It made sense, they provided security and companionship for each other. They are only 22 months apart, but lately they have been needing space away from each other..I have been thinking about that in relation or in contrast to attachment parenting. Being alone has a lot of value. I understand this as an only child. In my solitude moments, I had time to reflect.. That time was extremely important. Now that my children are older they need opportunities for quiet and thought and meditation.. It is a shift for them, but it became apparent that this was a need for them. So, sometimes attachment is very important, but on the other side, so is opportunity for solitude as well.


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