Time Capsule on an Urban Homestead

Full Time Plus Mommyhood

2012-01-22T10:41:00.000-08:00

I have greatly lapsed on my blogging. I apologize for being absent so much as of late.. I am at an intense stage of parenting right now. My youngest has just turned one and is crawling everywhere..And my two older ones are quite intense during the after school to bed part of the day. It has not been compatible with being able to write/be on the computer. (-; I miss those days of making bread and gardening..But, I would miss my newest daughter more.. She is such a gift. As are my almost 7 and almost 9 year olds.

I realize I can do one thing for myself at a time right now and that has been learning to knit. It semi-works while hanging out with the baby or during naptime. I have always had the desire to learn how to knit for as long as I can remember and it is finally happening. As a kid/teen I enjoyed latch hooking..but knitting is sooo much better than that! I need to feel I am creating something...I am beginning to think that I am an artist at heart...and it finds different mediums based on what I am "able" to do at the time; what works for the stage I am at with the kids. In high school and college, I drew, painted and wrote. A couple of years ago, I found it in gardening, cooking, and blogging. Now, I knitting..and also hope to learn how to quilt.

By profession, I am trained to be a teacher and a counselor. those skills find their way into my parenting (on a good day)..There are some days, I am not so professional with my kids or my husband..and I'd be embarrassed to admit that I am a trained counselor.. I should know better... I am very much human.. flaws and all.

I find myself thinking, though, what I am going to do when my youngest is in school. I sometimes wonder if I should homeschool my son, whose class size has risen to 36 students in the 3rd grade..He is not happy at all lately.. I miss his joy..where did it go? Part of it, I think, is realizing that life is not a constant birthday party..He's been a little "crushed by that" realization.. But, another part of it, is something else.. He is struggling with finding what he is good at.. His gifts are not as obvious as my daughter's..who can draw better than I can without looking at a picture.. My son loves to savor--he savors characters from a movie or book, he savors his food, he makes lists of his classmates names and remembers all their birthdays, he categorizes all the time...Is that kind of scientific? He is an amazing speller and reader. He is doing very well in school. But, what is it..his gift? How do those strengths and inclinations/interests translate for him?

Well, as I said, parenting has taken a front seat this past year..in my mind, and in my energy, and time.. There is very little else I am able to do.

Except knit.

Learning to Color Work Knit!

2011-11-16T10:44:00.001-08:00

Feeling so Proud of learning how to make this! Knitting is super rewarding and fun!

pattern can be found at:
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/cozy-canuck-chullo

Thank you, Make One, http://www.m1yarns.com/for teaching the class so I could learn how to do this!

Go away "Should Be Able Tos"

2011-11-02T12:56:00.001-07:00

Me, putting baby on my back in attempt to do the dishes.

Been visited by the "shoulds" lately.. Should be able to keep up with the house and make sure my children get their homework turned in on time..Make sure my daughter doesn't have a rats nest in her hair..I feel embarassed when she goes to a playdate with messy hair and comes back with her hair nicely braided..Make sure that she wears warm enough clothes even though she wants to go short sleeved on a 33 degree morning.. I am embarassed when someone comes over to my messy house..and it is so messy because we went away for the weekend..and am now so far behind in everything, it will take another week to catch up, but oh, my husband is going away on another business trip next week, so I'll quickly get behind again..But, we went on the trip to see family..because that is what we should do..It was worth it, though, because we had "good quality time together" because that is one of the things we should do. But my house is so messy and somehow I should still have it clean..

Went to the doctors today and was told I should get more exercise..but how? Get up earlier? I already get up at 530 and am often too tired by the time my husband gets home at 730..."What is wrong with me?"that I am not skilled enough to keep up with it all..I wonder that someone might think...when they give me advice on how I could do "better" But, honestly, there are not enough hours in the day even if you are a "stay at home mom"...I wonder how working moms do it? Keep their house clean and feed their kids..and work..But, honestly it is still very hard even when you are not balancing a job..because often you dont have childcare..because you cant afford it..and often the other spouse works long hours..and you are on your own and expected to do it all because you are lucky to be home with your kids...you are "priveledged" so you must surely be failing if your house is not immaculate or your child's hair is messy..

(I really should edit my writing too...like my house, my writing is sloppy..)

Yesterday, a parent came over to pick up her daughter after a playdate..and I was hoping she would only see the living room, but my daughter had lost her favorite toy..and that parent had to help her find it...and they looked all over my house! seeing to my horror my failings..She is a working mom and her home is so much cleaner than mine.. (she's better at this than me?)

I am not saying this to complain, really I am not..I am saying it to address the shoulds for other people out there who may be struggling with the "shoulds" too..Because, the "shoulds" is an unrealistic condition..just as much as the body image of being supermodel thin is..They are parts of the same problem...that women are supposed to be everything to everyone..and that the "shoulds" should not bother me when I realize this..

So maybe it is okay, that I cannot have a family weekend and a clean house this week..and maybe it is okay to have my 6 year old brush her own hair and live with the consequence if she doesn't..and maybe it is okay to have my kids get hot luch sometimes so I can go to the gym and get the exercise I NEED..or ask for help.

Here is the thing, if I did keep up with my home, do all the loads of laundry that need to be done..every day.. put the mail away, do the dishes 3x/day, sweep the floors (which really need it daily), put away the clothes, make the beds, clean up the toys, and the art supplies, make the food, put away the clean clothes...all the things that need to be done daily.. My baby would not get held much at all..she would have to just cry alone (a lot!).. My children would not have playdates, or be able to play violin, or go on adventures, or get help with homework.. so, there would be those "shoulds" that would be not done.. and I would still be "damned"..as a mom.. Because I really can never win.. Either the house is neglected or my kids are.. or we choose not to go to visit my father in law for the weekend..

I am imagining in my mind, that some people may "imagine" my day while my kids are at school...as my being able to sit down and relax or watch soap operas..That is the look I get sometimes when I tell some people how busy I am...and why I need to say no to some things because I HAVE to catch up with the house.. What could I possibly be doing all day...when I am not "working"...I must have tons of time...so my house should be clean.. Perhaps, people don't think this at all, but sometimes it "feels" like these thoughts are coming at me.. (but perhaps those critical thoughts are only my own feeling of the "failed shoulds"

Also, someone might tell me how happy my baby is...that I have a very content, easy baby.. (and she really is!) and sometimes when someone says this, I feel defensive..that it is another reason, why I "should" be able to do a better job at keeping my house clean..

Ok, here is the reality...Often all or 2 of my kids are home.. often one of them is sick.. or there are conferences, furlough days, teacher work days..and there is no school. Often, I have to get groceries..or run errends..get the oil changed on the van. and I have to fit it in..between naps. there are also doctors appointments (like my own today) or my baby's last week. There are days to help out in the classrooms. There is catching up with other parents who want to get together with our kids. There is communicating that has to happen with teachers. The list is hundreds of tasks long..

Often naps are only 30 minutes long.. And the school day is only 6 hours long. Usually there is only one nap that happens while the kids are in school.

And I have to feed the baby..and change her diaper..and soothe her when she is getting tired, but not ready to nap..

And often I am TRYING to get things done..run a load of diapers while the baby is content for 5 minutes..

I am doing the best I can. And trying to be a good parent..But, it is okay not to be a complete martyr. It is okay to read a book sometimes..or knit..or go on a weekend trip.. It is not going to get all done..and I should not feel guilty for stealing some moments to do this..even if I should be cleaning instead..because the cleaning ALWAYS needs to be done..

True friends will understand..and not judge.. and I can accept I am never going to be a supermodel..so perhaps I can accept I may never be one of those really good housekeeper moms either..

But I do make sure my kids are fed and warm and loved and safe..and I spend time with them..and help with homework and snuggle them and read to them..and do crafts with them..and I feed them healthy homemade meals most of the time. And I really try to keep my cool even when my kids are not...when they are tired and "tantrummy" And my kids are "clean"..They are bathed. They have clean clothes..and eat off of clean dishes. (although sometimes, it feels that even this standard is hard to live up to lately..)

And I nurse my baby and sit on the floor with her as she explores..

And I make sure I do some things for myself..keep learning and creating so that I do not get depressed..or stir crazy..

There are not enough hours in the day to do it all.. I should not feel guilty...I should not react to the "vibes" I feel from others who may or may not understand.. I am not inadequate. I am not lazy...or a slob even if my home does not reflect how much work I do.. I am on the go most of the day starting from 530 AM.. And I am soo sure that many many other moms/dads are too..

This "should" virus..of shame..needs to go away.. I am a fabulously creative and hard working parent of 3 and my husband is usually away for 12 hours a day.. My mother is passed away..and I do not have very much outside help.. I am NOT lazy. I work very very very hard..while trying to find a balance..to keep my sanity.. So, I write..and knit and cook..And LOVE my kids..and try to put my all into this as best as I can. (and clean the house as best as I can with the time/energy I have) So, go away "shoulds"!! (-;

I've Caught the Knitting Bug

2011-10-22T09:13:00.001-07:00

When I was pregant with my youngest...over a year ago, I started this scarf. It was VERY slow going, knitting too tightly and fumbling, making lots of mistakes, and only taking it out occasionally to work on it, because at that stage, it required a lot of concentration. I managed to knit over 2 1/2 skeins of it before my baby was born..but it was not completed. Finally, after she was 8 months old, I pulled it out again in determination to complete the project. Now, it is 5 skeins knitted and 6' long and completed! and I was ready to begin a hat!

Knitting the first hat for my oldest..turned out to be much easier and faster going than the scarf had been..finally my brain and fingers seemed to know what to do..and I liked knitting in the round on circular needles much better!

Of course, I then had to make one for my daughter. (-;

And my husband

It took me a year and a half to complete one scarf..but in a month, I finished the scarf and 3 hats..I am now working on my fourth hat for my dad for his birthday. (-; But, I can't forget the baby too... (-;

Falafels

2011-10-04T12:49:00.001-07:00

My husband was craving falafel and I had made a batch of chick peas the day before..great opportunity to make Falafel from scratch!

this version made enough for 4 of us and some leftovers

Blend together

4 cups chickpeas

2 large onions

4 garlic cloves

6 TB fresh parsley

4 tsp coriander

4 tsp cumin

1 cup flour

Salt

Pepper

Form into small ping pong size balls

Fry in 2 inches of coconut or peanut oil until golden brown

Eat hot alone or in a pita-- or even tortilla

Great with cucumber, tomatoes

Ranch dressing or other sauce?

Homemade Baby Food

2011-09-27T12:12:00.001-07:00

Peas, sweet potato, green bean and barley, lamb and baked potato, turkey and rice, oatmeal and pears, avocado, carrots and quinoa, apples, prunes and barley, blueberries and oats, bananas, zucchini, etc..

Can Having "Less" Be an "Asset"?

2011-09-27T09:36:00.000-07:00

I was an "only" child. I spent much of my childhood "longing" for a sibling. In that longing, I pretended I did have a brother or sister by using my dolls and playing with a neighbor child. I adopted siblings of my own...always needing to reach out for connection.. Trying to fill the "void" of what I wanted but couldn't have.

I thought I was "deprived" the joy of having a sibling.. Felt I had "missed out"..and I hoped that it still might happen.

Because I had no siblings, I was always "longing" for company..and for a larger family..or children of my own someday.

That "lack of"..created a discomfort in me..and a "desire" for something..that "motivated" me to fill that need..

That "wanting" and "needing" created within me a state of "searching"...

And because of that, I was more driven than I might have been..and eventually, I now have a larger family of my own..and I appreciate them with a passion..

What I lacked..became an asset, because it motivated me to "seek out" others.. And I appreciate my family much more than I would have had I had all my needs met as a child.

I think about that more and more when I see my children in "discomfort"...A part of me, wants to show my love for them and to help "Fill it"...Isn't that part of being a "good parent"?

I used to think so, until I started really thinking about it..

Sometimes, we need to let our children "be"... Let them process their discomfort..

Sometimes that discomfort creates within them what they need to become actualized adults.. If we are too quick to "fill" their void..with stuff, or rescue them from what they struggle with..we may be actually robbing them of a life lesson..or robbing them of the "deficit" that may turn into their greatest asset..

What do you think? Have you ever experienced this type of deficit-assest?

Kid-Friendly Chickpea Curry

2011-09-15T19:03:00.000-07:00

Got the craving for a chickpea dish and searched allrecipes.com and found this recipe:http://allrecipes.com/recipe/butter-chickpea-curry/detail.aspx

But I adapted it (less spice and I made my own Garam Masala from http://allrecipes.com/recipe/easy-garam-masala/detail.aspx

So, here is what I did for a quick meal. (I happened to have a can of chickpeas on hand-but next time I hope to have some frozen..that I have premade in crockpot) and I happened to have some left-over potatoes and a small tomato soup..so this was super easy for me to make today.. I served it over rice and my kids ate it up! (except for the zucchini)

4 medium potatoes, cubed
2 TB oil
2 onions diced
2 cloves of garlic diced
1 tsp curry powder
1 tsp garam masala *
1 tsp of ground ginger
1/2 tsp salt
1 can of tomato soup (or the equivalent in some form of creamy tomato)
1/2 cup of whole milk or cream
1 can of chickpeas (or your own cooked in a crock pot if you plan ahead)

1. boil the potatoes until softened and drain
2. fry the onion and garlic until soft. Stir in curry, garam masala, ginger, and salt. cook for 2 mintues? Pour in soup, milk/cream, and chickpeas. Then potatoes. Simmer until heated/bubbly. 5-10 minutes.

3. fry up some zucchini or other vegetable in oil and add it at the end. Really good served over rice, or to the side of the rice if you kids don't like their foods combined.

*Garam Masala
1TB ground cumin
1 1/2 tsp ground coriander
1 1/2 tsp ground cardamom
1 1/2 tsp ground pepper
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp ground cloves
1/2 tsp ground nutmeg.

Mix in a bowl (or grind in a spice/coffee grinder) and store in a cool, dry place.

Latch Hooking

2011-09-09T10:01:00.001-07:00

One of the first crafts I learned to do was latch hooking. Here is a rug/wall tapestry I made as a teen that hangs on our wall now. This year I have the goal to improve my novice knitting and sewing skills and thought I'd see how my kids enjoyed latch hooking. It was a big hit/esteem builder and a great boredom fighter/ alternative to watching TV!

CSA Potluck

2011-08-27T19:33:00.000-07:00

Our neighborhood CSA is run by Mercy Corps/Grow Portland and is leasing land from the city

Today, they hosted a potluck that included CSA members, growers, and neighbors.

Wonderful to share in the food and meet one another..

The kids really enjoyed the big trees and swing
Feel so blessed to have this project so local.. a little bit of Heaven.. Amazing what an empty lot can turn into..

There are still some openings for Fall Shares!
http://www.growportland.org/programs/growers-alliance
http://www.growportland.org/csa-signup

Surround Yourself With Beauty

2011-08-27T10:45:00.000-07:00

Surround yourself with Beauty

If the world feels too dark
or the pace of it pressuring you to go too fast..

Someone in your life or space- in a "bad mood"

and that mood is getting to you..and bringing you down..

slow down..

Surround yourself with Beauty

Take a deep breath..and find the quiet within..

Surround yourself with what makes you happy..

What makes you happy?

(For me, lately: writing, knitting, cooking, holding my baby, or going on an adventure)

Refuse to be someone you don't want to be

even if that someone tries to pull you there..

I am not going to go there..

Refuse to let them in and corrupt your soul with darkness, expectations(mine and others'), guilt, or negativity..

There is no point in that..
It does not help anyone and it dishonors yourself.

I am going to surround myself with beauty

and be happy and be the person I want to be..

I'm going to only let that beauty in...let it shine into my soul

So that I can shine too..

And that is who I want to be.

To do this, I surround myself with beauty..

Nature,
quiet moments,
love,
sweet moments..

beautiful craftsmanship

http://www.twistcollective.com/collection/index.php/component/content/article/88-spring-summer-2011-patterns/867-trousseau-by-carol-feller

beautiful art
photography

beautiful people

beautiful attitudes
Abundant garden

Luscious fresh food

lovingly prepared

sweet fragrances

sweet, happy music..

a great book

a new skill

a sweet prayer

a warm bath
steaming bro-thy rich soup

good coffee

good company

a warm snuggle

Beauty

What is the "beauty" that you surround yourself with?

On my bike: groceries

2011-08-22T22:29:00.001-07:00

Well, I finally did it...something that has been on my list for a very long time to try. Tonight, I biked to the grocery store with the bike trailer in tow and used it to lug the groceries..and it was not nearly as hard as I thought. It worked. I got exercise, I saved gas, I had an adventure, I had time on my own, and I got food for the week. Baby steps..

S P A C E

2011-08-22T10:17:00.000-07:00

Over four years ago, we moved into our home. I still remember the feeling of when it was empty and how good that felt. The kids felt the "space" and ran around in the joy of it..exploring the nooks and crannies and the openness of it.

In it's empty state, it held "potential"..promise of the ideas of how that space could be used. It held future and vision in its non-defined state.

Since that time, we have filled it up! (-;

In some ways, our home was "too polished" for us...Shiny-new remodel. Trees already planted. Yard tidy and polished and pruned. It had a sprinkler system to water the grass, an central airconditioner, dishwasher.. carpeted, finished basement. Being that polished didn't really "match" us as a family..

Since that time, we have taken out the sprinkler system...since part of it "burst" during one of our winters..and we also had to dig in our yard to put in a french drain and drywell, because our basement flooded because of hydrostatic pressure from all the rain/and non functioning downspout drain system that was clogged and degrading underground. We have disconnected most of the downspouts..

We have planted 2 apple tress and one cherry tree, put in 6 raised beds for growing food, and also put in blueberries and raspberries, and changed a flower bed into an herb garden.

Our shiny new dishwasher being as most dishwashers these days died after 2 years of use. It is a nice dry rack now.

We took out the carpet in 2 of the basement rooms because of the flooding..tore out drywall from a wall, and then replaced it.

And our yard has been overtaken by weeds, thistle, dandilions, and blackberries...One tree has grown into the power lines in our back yard. Another tree has been sending out watershoots all over the front yard..bushes need to be cut back every year or they "clutter" and take over..

Our cheap closet doors have been taken out due to their lack of true funcionality...

So, we have adequately, "lived in our home".. (-; It is resemebeling less and less the former owners and looking more and more like us, (I suppose)--but it does not mirror exactly what I want it to.. I don't want "clutter" and "unkempt" to be part of what we "are"...(the wild beauty of the raised beds are okay..but not the water shoots..or the blackberries..or the excess of toys and uncovered closets.) Our home has not quite been congruent yet with who we are..Has not quite matched our values.. Decorative trees and bushes that do not provide food, are not quite beautiful, but require quite a bit of upkeep.. We are not into being simply "decorative" Too many toys is not congruent with our view on sustainability.. The incongruities have been wearing us down.

But, here is the wave of what is happening now:

We are purging...and creating "space" again.

And my husband rented an industrial weed wacker and rototiller and bought a chainsaw from a yard sale, and has tacked the blackberries, removed the bushes, and the neglected bark chip borders (overtaken by grass and weeds)..and has cleared it all out.. Yesterday, he mostly cut down the tree that has to be pruned away from the power line every year (so we don't have to constantly maintain it).. We are going to also cut down the tree that sends out water shoots.. Our goal is to eliminate most the the things in our yard that create mainenance requirements on us that don't seem worth it..don't give us payback (like producing fruit/food)..

Our time and our space is precious.

Yesterday after going to a workshop on Simplicity Parenting, I rode the inertia of inspiration and courage and put away the little upstairs TV..probably will sell/give it away. Now, if the kids want to watch TV, they have to go to the effort of going into the basement TV room..(and most of the time they don't want to do that).. I also purged out more of their toys. And instead of picking out toys from the bins and the floors, I dumped it all in a box as if I was getting rid of it all..then I picked out a few things to keep.. I realized THIS is what I have to do if I REALLY want to make a good enough dent to feel good about!

Pretend I am getting RID of all of it...take it out of the space completely, then only put back into the space what is TRULY cherished/needed/used!

(I think the key to deciding what to keep is asking yourself "do I LOVE this thing" and if you don't LOVE it, don't keep it..it is taking away from you/diminishing you... Only keep what you LOVE and what you really USE.. (there is still much more to do...) but this step, felt liberating..Keep only what you LOVE and what brings you joy and beauty.. Even butterfly bushes that can be beautiful become "junk" and "burden" and "overwhem-ment" if there is too much of them and you feel diminished if you don't have the time to prune them. ..You look at them and think.."I still need to get to those!" instead of "how pretty is that one bush!

And you know what happened.. This morning with no TV in our living room, we instead sat out on the front porch (on a new bench I found at a yard sale).. and talked and watched the birds..got out the binoculars and looked more closely at the birds... We NEVER would have had that moment if the TV had been in the living room.

That is what I mean by when you create space, something else fills it up.. a good something..a real something..

And when I looked out in the back yard at the places where we used to have weeds and bushes and a tree...I see "space"..and that "space" is amazingly calming..

and filled with "potential" again..future that is not "defined" yet.

Beauty

Baby Chehalis Apple Tree and Recipe

2011-08-18T22:18:00.001-07:00

recipe at bottom of post

CHEHALIS Large crisp, sweet yellow apple. Ripens with Mac. Very productive. Considerable scab tolerance.

Large greenish yellow apple, usually with a pink blush on exposed side. Resembles Golden Delicious in looks and flavor but larger, crisper and more elongated. Crisp, cream colored flesh. Medium-fine texture. Sweet, slightly honeyed, juicy eating and baking apple.

This is my poor little Mamma tree that bent out of shape to carry the weight of these delicious (heavy) apples! She is much relieved now and her apples are being enjoyed! http://timecapsuleeighties.blogspot.com/2011/07/how-i-have-felt-these-past-2-weeks-or.html

Basic Apple Pie Recipe

The Crust:
I made 4 crusts for 2 pies

5cups of flour
2 1/2 tsp. salt

I used a pastry tool to cut the butter into the flour and salt
3 sticks of chilled butter

12 TB of ice cold water

I added the water a bit at a time using the pasty tool..to keep it all cool.

Then I put saran wrap over the dough and refrigerated it overnight.

The next day, I rolled out the 4 crusts.
put them in the pie plates and topped the top crust with a little brown sugar, cinnamon and butter

put slits in the top crust for venting (I think)

Apple Filling

Lots of apples cut up mixed with:
enough brown sugar for your preference
cinnamon
nutmeg
allspice

I baked the pies at 350 for an hour.

Minimalism and Puritanism

2011-08-17T10:19:00.000-07:00

image from: http://www.sjsu.edu/faculty/wooda/149/149syllabus5summary.html

I'm sure this is not an original thought, but it occurred to me how often we are looking for balance..and the tide often turns from one extreme to the other.

Today, there is a longing for minimalism, because our culture has become so opulent...

I think there is a parallel to the Puritan movement.. The Puritans began (I believe) as a rebellion also against the opulence of the Catholic church..They thought it had become too materialistic, grandiose...had lost its true purpose. They wished to simplify..get back to the grassroots..

I say this not as a criticism, just as an observation... It is interesting that we do this back and forth.. But, I think it is important to note where Puritanism went wrong too.. And how our current desire for Minimalism could also go awry..

Caution for becoming too judgmental/superior (for ultra success in detachment) or feeling shameful..for not living up.. What virtue are we really ascribing to in simplifying our homes and lives? One must not feel superior or inferior in the accomplishment or lack of accomplishment in this category..

It used to be Prideful to have "stuff"--And now, it is "prideful" to have less.. (Or actually, it seems it is still virtuous to have lots of stuff (as long as your home looks like you don't have stuff/clutter).. Where does our true virtue rest?

I sound my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world

2011-08-16T21:55:00.000-07:00

I thought of this poem recently...I suppose because in my memory of it, it seemed so alive and powerful, purposeful. I couldn't remember its context (other than from the movie Dead Poets Society) The internet is great when you want to quickly find a little tidbit of info. (-; Thought I'd share.

image from: http://animal.discovery.com/guides/wild-birds/i-r/red-tailed-hawk.html

Walt Whitman

from Leaves of Grass, Book 3 (Song of Myself), the last poem:

The spotted hawk swoops by and accuses me, he complains of my gab 



    and my loitering.







I too am not a bit tamed, I too am untranslatable,



I sound my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world.







The last scud of day holds back for me,



It flings my likeness after the rest and true as any on the shadow’d wilds,



It coaxes me to the vapor and the dusk.







I depart as air, I shake my white locks at the runaway sun,



I effuse my flesh in eddies, and drift it in lacy jags.







I bequeath myself to the dirt to grow from the grass I love,



If you want me again look for me under your boot-soles.







You will hardly know who I am or what I mean,



But I shall be good health to you nevertheless,



And filter and fibre your blood.







Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged,



Missing me one place search another,



I stop somewhere waiting for you.

you can find more of the poem here: http://www.bartleby.com/142/14.html

from: http://dictionaryperson.wordpress.com/2011/04/06/yawp/

yawp

Perhaps you know this word from the work of that most American of poets, Whitman:

The spotted hawk swoops by and accuses me….. he complains of my gab and my loitering.
I too am not a bit tamed….. I too am untranslatable,
I sound my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world.
Song of Myself, Leaves of Grass, Walt Whitman, 1855¹

Webster’s Third defines it as “a raucous noise; foolish complaining talk; something suggestive of a raucous noise.”

The OED dates the noun “yawp” to 1824, but the verb form to around 1400. Definitions there are:

a. A harsh, hoarse, or querulous cry, esp. of a bird.
b. fig. Applied in contempt to speech or utterance likened to this. Chiefly U.S.

Many of the poets (see Allen Ginsberg and the beats, for instance) cherish this word; they identify with Whitman’s yawp. Yawp in this sense embodies a stridency — confident, assured, and loud — that will be heard, no matter what.

It is not to be confused with yap or yowl!

Adventure Self-Care

2011-08-16T11:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning began as one of those days that were going to overwhelm me. I had not gotten very much sleep the night before and the day before I had been in limbo as my husband roto-tilled part of the yard. It was going to be an especially long day since it was also my husband's "night off" to be out with friends and family..

I was tired and buggy.

I needed to sleep, but napping with 3 children at home is beyond me..Not something I would be able to do.. Seems when I've tried, something almost always happens to sabotage it and I end up angry and frustrated.

What I needed most was to get out, and this time, visiting haunts in my area was not enough for me. I wanted to REALLY go somewhere..like for the whole day..

We used to live in Corvallis almost 8 years ago now. My husband and I met, married, and had our first child there. Special place for us.

I needed to go there...

So, we just did it! Drove 2 hours..and as I drove the song "Simple Gifts" came on..and it gave me goosebumps... I felt more alive than I have in quite a long time. Free. With my kids. The song was perfect..because it reminded me of how to reach "realness"..

I recently purged a bunch of "stuff"..and it seems the reward for that..the empty space that is left..is being filled with "realness"..This feeling of being alive.

It was a BLISSFULY full day. And we got to visit some old friends there... Sweetness..

We didn't get home until 10:17PM. And the kids traveled beautifully. (with some squirrelyness during some adult conversation), but other than that they were happy..and I was happy..and ALIVE.

Simple Gifts

'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free

'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,

And when we find ourselves in the place just right,

'Twill be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gain'd,

To bow and to bend we shan't be asham'd,

To turn, turn will be our delight,

Till by turning, turning we come 'round right.

A Taste of Homeschooling

2011-08-13T22:09:00.001-07:00

It has taken nearly 2 months of summer to undo the boredom effect of school on my kids. When school ended they did not know what to do with themselves...expecting entertainment and direction..

Now, a wonderful thing is happening. A theme of interest is evolving. First, an interest in dolphins and sea creatures, now the Titanic(the library is our friend)...and then a desire to make a boat..and my husband figured out how to help them make one out of things we have and it floats! The pride they felt was priceless! They named it Mayflower.

I am realizing how this works/can work..the theme on the Titanic is a lesson in history, but can be so much more..science of the water, the construction of the boat, the ocean, effects of depth. Math-the size of the titanic, geography-the location of the ship and its voyage, etc... then there is the art of making their own boat..and they could create a presentation on the topic, etc...

Wonderful...3 more weeks left to go with this taste of unintentional homeschooling...bliss (potentially)

Some books I have heard recommended from some friend Homeschoolers that I have yet to read..I think I will read, whether I ever homeschool or not. I figure, even if I do not "officially homeschool" I can still adapt some of the ideas during the summer or vacation times.. (and figure out what kind of homeschooler I would be.

Food and Control

2011-08-13T20:07:00.000-07:00

http://thedailyattack.com/2011/08/13/portland-planners-threaten-local-resiliency-local-food-and-local-economy/

At risk of being political..

Food and power/control seem to often happen on so many levels...look at WHO controls our main food supplies.. and what food is cheaper.. what foods are subsidized.. and what foods and farms are not subsidized. (watch the movie Food, Inc for starters)

And even the seeds--Who controls the seeds? and what species of food are continued or are mainstream. (Monsanto)

And how often even at a young age food can be used to even control little children to get them to behave..what foods are used to reward them?

And overeating, how and why does that happen?

how is food used to manipulate in the media even in schools..in our homes..in our childhoods?

And the image of women and how food is linked with that.. (or deprivation of)

That is just for starters..

Now.. look at what happens to small farmers and co-ops? and raw milk supporters?

we don't pay enough attention to our food..considering we need it to

survive..

thrive, be healthy...because of this dependency...we are vulnerable to whomever controls our food. and how much we need a doctor...

food-health-medical care

Here is a message I received today:

here is an excellent letter from michelle lasley, another local Food Buying Club coordinator. please help spread the word! this is a time sensitive issue, so submit your comments by August 15th. Food Buying Clubs and CSA drops in Portland are being threatened!!!

food buying clubs and CSA drops ought to be allowed in residential areas. forcing them into a commercial space, which is what happened to Know Thy Food, is akin to shutting them down. not every club could survive or afford such a move. the City should not be allowed to tell friends and families how and where to buy their food and restrict such private activities.

thanks for your support!

--rebecca

Dear Friend,
I co-coordinate a food buying club in my neighborhood. This idea arose from many things, one the example is the one set by my grandparents who always had access to local food through their garden, animal husbandry, and local grocery co-op. Mostly, though, I do this because food quality for my small family is very important. I also do this is a way to increase food security for everyone.
Nary a day goes by where we don't hear about another food recall. These food recalls largely involve large industrial food complexes, like confined animal feed operations. I don't buy from those operations. I buy directly from the farmer. My family eats fairly locally and seasonally. We learn how to preserve our food and make things from scratch, like bread -- a lot like my grandparents learned post World War II. We develop relationships with our farmers, our distributors, our producers of the food we eat. We do this to increase our food security. We know where our food comes from. We visit the farms. We know the names of our farmers' children. We are invested in them, and they are invested in us.
But that investment is being threatened. The City of Portland has hosted several meetings to revise the food zoning laws for our locale. Their recommendations are to increase the hurdles one has to go through to have access to local food.
This is a problem. A big problem. And, I need your help to tell them it's a problem.
Find out more about the city's plans and please take the survey. Please tell the city they are going in the WRONG direction for CSAs & Buying Clubs. Tell them it matters to you because food security matters to you. Tell them having access to local food is important to you. And, most importantly, pass this message on and have your friends and family take the survey
Urban Food Code Policies: http://www.portlandonline.com/bps/index.cfm?c=53834
The Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/FoodCodeConcept
Thank you for your help.
In food!
Michelle Lasley
community advocate | green coach | nurturer
www.michellelasley.com
michelle@michellelasley.com

Watching the stars

2011-08-13T08:55:00.001-07:00

Last night there was a meteor shower at 11PM. My kids have never seen a shooting star. We live in an urban area that is usually cloud covered the majority of the year. Last night it was clear. We still had the obstacles of city glow and a full moon, but we went out anyway. We set up a blanket to lie down on and sleeping bag/blankets to keep warm and sat out late with our two older children until they were about to fall asleep..about 1130. In that time, we saw a few meteors that were actually quite bright, but mostly we snuggled, identified stars, talked and snacked. It was one of those very simple, real, and memorable moments together that I will hold in my heart. (So much better than fireworks) Sweet, Quiet, Tenderness..

The Birthday Expectation

2011-08-12T19:52:00.000-07:00

When my son (first child) had his first birthday, I wanted the whole family and friends group to all be there to celebrate and bask in his one year birthday. To celebrate HIM and his birth and his existence and to have them all be a part of it. I was a new mom and there seemed to be nothing more important to me than cherishing my child..and I thought that the way to do that was to put all my effort to make that day special.

Since then, I have hosted and been to probably a hundred birthdays...or so it seems.. The work of putting it together, the money spent on food and gifts...I really don't want to know how it all adds up! And now my kids "expect" something very special each year...

When I was growing up, I think I had 4 parties total..and one of those was with one friend eating ice cream. Simple.

Sometimes a little disappointing..but simple.

The baby/toddler parties were usually at people's homes. That wasn't so bad..socializing with friends and family while basking in our little ones while they play together..Sometimes they were small parties, but sometimes they were quite large too--

But, then there came the parties at the play-gym type places.. The worst for me was at Chuck E Cheese..the pizza made me feel nauseous! Many of these places were loud..and the kids were running around everywhere and it was hard to keep track of my own kids.. My kids have loved it there, though (and all the other places too).. (-;

But, now the problem is the expectations of my own kids..and the idea that you make big parties if you love your kids, and you attend the other parties, because you love your kids and want to support your friends' kids..and show your love..by going and by "buying" presents and throwing big bashes.

I am afraid of disappointing...my kids..having them think I don't care enough to go all out. And afraid of disappointing other people by not always attending all the parties every year.

It is a gopher wheel I'm not sure how to get off of. And it not only costs hundreds of dollars, but it also costs a lot of time...Many a weekend has been taken over by attending (and hosting) these parties.

Seems to me, there are other ways to "show the love" other than through a "materialistic form of consumerism" LOVE = BUY

I have had this gut feeling for quite awhile now..and each year I attempt to simplify the parties I host for my kids. One year we took a couple of my son's friends to a fishing pond. This past year, we went to a local beach on the river and only invited 3 families. And my husband and I decided to only host or attend adult birthdays for ourselves and other friends every 5 years. (with some flexibility) (-;

Simple and Small and in Moderate Frequency

"I love you very much and I actually want to spend time with you on your birthday and give you attention...rather than entertaining a huge lot of guests or giving you a ton of gifts"..because those parties make me grumpy...and stressed...and they just don't feel right!

The consumerism culture...seems to eek into everything pure...wanting us to associate love and self worth with love and appreciation.. I don't want my children's birthdays to be tainted with that any more.. (I may not have a complete choice, because the expectations are there. already from what I have done for them in the past and what they see their friends parties are like...

"I want a PlayGym birthday too"

Anyway... I actually haven't heard anyone really complain about it much, but in my gut it feels wrong...and it is all around us... Birthday parties every weekend for some folks.. Sometimes there is a weekend of birthday party hopping...sometimes there are 2-3 birthday parties to go to in one weekend! (talk about OD on sugar!)

And usually my kids have a great time, but when they come home, they "melt down" from the let down of the excitement and sugar...and then they are bored..want to be entertained..want the over stimulation or feel jealous of the toys.. Real life isn't quite as super-real exciting as one of those Bday parties.

I don't wish to alienate anyone who enjoy this or believe in this or who do this because of all of sincerity..they feel it is the right thing to do.. Enjoy it (or)..

A parent can feel a lot of GUILT..for not doing it.. hosting and attending..

seems like a trap..

Seems like there could be a different way of showing love and appreciation for our children and support our friends and family members without having it tainted by "Consumerism"

I came across this article today and it made me happy. Perhaps we can band together for ideas in finding many more creative ways to celebrate our most precious souls--in a way that gives dignity to their birth and their being alive and reaching milestones..

Good Enough Birthday:

http://thehappiestmom.com/?p=1887

Using our Feet

2011-08-12T16:53:00.000-07:00

My husband used the car today to go to work. Normally he bikes. It is a 10 mile bike ride mostly on a bike trail. It is quite ideal for him to be able to do this. Grateful. It is a win-win on many counts. Exercise for him, de-stressing from work, less wear on a car, not using fuel, and much less aggravation...getting stuck in city traffic/rush hour, etc..

I was grateful today, that he had the car, because I had an errand to do that was only about a mile away. Normally, I'd make it a simple trip and drive out there, but this time, without the car, I made it into an adventure..

We started out by having breakfast at a local waffle/art house. The kids played checkers as we waited for our waffles.

Then afterward, we worked off the sugar by walking out to Walgreen to pick up our 300 photos. finally printing out favorite pics from 2007-2010..

It was pretty idyllic...although the way there was pretty urban-like..not ideal in that way..lots of noisy cars..Still, we saw an osprey or eagle..and some bugs and other birds and plants along the way..little snippets of nature. The kids were happy and exercised..and I could tell they felt good about themselves..

Makes me think, I need to do this more often...walk more instead of using the car even if it turns a simple errand into a 3 hour trip.. It was a complete experience..food, exercise, quality time together..

Feeling inspired by all the bikers around here..(my husband included) I can't bike with the baby yet..not until she is one, but I am thinking that with my third child, I may go down this path that I was hesitant to do before with my first 2 children.. Not too late to start. In the very least, we can get around to quite a few places on foot..There are many places to go to that are within 1-2 miles.

Reducing the need to use grocery store

2011-08-09T20:48:00.001-07:00

And eat organic foods on a budget.

I picked up 20# of coho alaskan line caught salmon tonight from food buying club. Know thy food. This may be enough salmon for our family for the year. I think the price averages to about $10lb for very good salmon.

This is now one less thing I have to buy from a grocery store.

Other ways to reduce dependency on grocery store:

1. Buy less or no processed foods. Stick to real veg, fruit. Meat. Nuts.

2. Find source for milk and eggs from a farm. From grassfed jersey cows..or goats. and chickens that are truly free range.

3. Invest in large freezer and buy meat from farmer. I have a meat csa, but I have also. Purchased 1/8 cow. 1/2 lamb at times.

4. Participate in a local CSA

5. Find or create a local buying club that supports local farmers.

6. Sometimes there are also ways to buy bulk grains and nuts. I order from azure standard and they drop off food/groceries such as TP and soap to a neighbors home once a month.

7. Plant your own garden if you have a yard or grow in pots if your space is limited.

8. Visit your local farmers market and get to know your farmers. Store up on some staple fruits and veggies to can or freeze while they are in season.

9. Go berry picking.

10. Forage your neighborhood for berries, fruits, nuts.

11. Keep your eyes and ears open for opportunities and networking to find the best food and to know what a good deal is on that food.

12. If you are really adventurous, committed, and have a big enough piece of land: get your own laying hens, honey bee hives, goat, rabbits, or ducks, etc..

Parenting Book Recommendations

2011-08-08T18:15:00.000-07:00

I was at a play date today and one of the things we talked about was how to discipline our children. I wrote on this quite awhile back and will have you link to what I wrote then.

Here are some books I recommend reading for developing your own synthesis if you are leaning towards an attachment parenting approach...I tend to lean towards that philosophy, although in frustration, I often revert back to punishing, etc.. I am still working on my parenting skills...every day.. It is never easy..and I realize I can never become complacent about it..Each stage presents very interesting challenges.

The first book I recommend, is one of my favorites because it gives a balanced approach..with some nice skills/excercises.

Another very good book/approach for developing specific skills..giving choices..

A great book for altering the punishment/reward paradigm. I'm still not quite sure HOW to implement this sometimes, but the idea of "doing WITH" our kids instead of "doing TO" our kids is a really good place to start from.. It also challenges our traditional idea that we have to "punish and reward" in order to raise our children effectively.. Like with attachment parenting, it is the idea of the relationship as being very important...and not to "sell it out" in order to "control" our childrens' behaviors..or destinies..

Another very good book that gives some very nice practical examples.

Just started this book, but I like where it is going.. It is about looking at where you are coming from as a parent..be careful of your own baggage..Being in control of our own frustrations/anger/issues..

I have not read this book yet, but I hope to.. It is about giving our children the space to make mistakes..not to hover over them too much...give them some space to explore..allowing some risk..

What have you read, that you recommend??

I have not read this book, but I have heard it recommended, and I know I use the counting --seem it used, and find it works really well in a scurry to get out the door.. or when I need to have something happen immediately. Let's face it, when you kids are school age, there is a lot of "cattle-driving"..to get them to school and other places on time..which means all the morning routines of brushing teeth, breakfast, getting dressed, etc.. all have to be done in a timely way in order to get to school on time.. (i hate it, but it is a reality)

This book is on my list to read. I am looking into simplifying parenting...have fewer, more natural toys..

The next few books are on my list to read next...feel inspired just reading about these books..and the Soulemama blog:...http://soulemama.com/

These ideas are along the lines of Waldorf education...which has many ideals I admire..Keep me striving to better myself as a person, a parent..and consciousness towards the planet..

When I had 2 Kids I had my arms Full, Now that I have 3, I am Learning to Juggle

2011-08-06T11:59:00.000-07:00

image from wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Egypt.jpg

Experimental Recipe: Cabbage, Sausage, Potatoes Casserole

2011-08-05T20:10:00.001-07:00

Update:

Making new recipes is healing to me...I was exhausted tonight and really didn't want to make dinner, but I had already thawed out the meat and didn't want to wait longer to make this dish. Making this new meal revived me quite a bit...

And I have to say, it is a keeper. It was delicious!! A great way to use up some potatoes and cabbage! (-;

(original post)Never made something like this and happy with how it came out and tastes! Will post my adapted recipe a little later. Essentially, it has potato, ground pork and sausage, carroway, paprika, garlic curls, onions, cabbage, carrots, sauerkraut, sour cream. I made it because I had a surplus of cabbage and wanted to do something creative with it.

Update:

I adapted it (quite a bit because I wanted to use only what ingredients I had on hand) from the book The Best Casserole Cookbook Ever.

Ingredients:
1lb ground pork
1lb ground sausage
bunch of garlic curls
a couple of small garden onions
4 potatoes thinly sliced
some sauerkraut
1 1/2 heads of cabbage (shredded or chopped)
4 carrots (shredded)
sour cream
carroway
pepper
paprika

I browned the meat with the onions and garlic and added the carroway and paprika.

Buttered a casserole dish and layered half of potatoes
then half the cabbage/carrot mix
then all the meat mix
then the kraut and some sour cream
Then the other half of potatoes
Then the rest of the cabbage
more kraut and sour cream
pepper on top

Baked covered at 350 for an hour.

Self Care

2011-08-04T14:55:00.001-07:00

Just now when I thought I had a moment..while the baby was finally napping, the first moment I have had all day to sit down..the other ones had a crisis..one child fell down and the other thought it would be fun to throw a ceramic pot on the pavement.. a wave of desperation, angst, and exhaustion overcame me...

With 3 children, our lives now are quite constant. The baby is going through some transitions..teething, and pooping more solid poops..which she is quite distressed about. She is more needy now..so it is a complete scramble to get anything done. And that does not even scratch the surface of the parenting demands of the two older ones. My shift is usually 12 hours before I can even hope for a break from my husband and even then he takes over for one or two hours before I need to attend to bedtime..and then the night time wakings.

Full time parenting is extremely demanding..

And the need for some self care very important to remain on top of it..

Lately I am not all that sensitive, soft spoken, or kind...seems I am often reduced to being a maid and cattle driver...as I sometimes can't get past the chores in the kitchen and laundry room..and the outings for the kids and errands. I am much grumpier than I would care to admit..sharper, impatient..I am not being the parent I want to be.

As I write this I have been interrupted several times..

Anyone who has been a parent i'm sure knows..

But right now I am asserting my need to do something for myself..taking a coffee break even though the children don't acknowledge it..I validate it for myself..

Especially since I worked ..another interruption..

I worked thru lunch break...

I am entitling myself to my coffee break and I am not getting up from this chair for 15 minutes..for anything short of emergency or the baby waking up!

Core: Self Esteem

2011-08-03T10:30:00.000-07:00

Stealing some quotes/sharings from Facebook:

If you are not being treated with love & respect then check your "Price Tag". Perhaps you have marked yourself down. YOU tell people what you're Worth by what you will and won't accept. Get off of the "Clearance Rack" & get behind the glass where they keep all the "Valuables "....bottom line is.... "Value" yourself more, and others will too! Author Unknown

I will not engage in any frequency below love. I will avoid negative people who are looking for conflict. I have amazing loving friends, partner and children who love me unconditionally. This is my true and self made family. I will not allow anyone to treat me with anger, blame or disrespect. I am an amazing loving person and my light will shine through the darkness that other may try to bring into my life. Anonymous

Let neither enemy nor friend disturb your composure, destroy your happiness, deter your accomplishment. Rely wholly upon God. Then will persecution and slander make you the more radiant. The designs of your enemies will rebound upon them. They, not you, will suffer. (‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Crisis and Victory, p. 137)

Bike Ride

2011-08-02T22:30:00.000-07:00

Last night, my husband made..uh..encouraged me to go for a bike ride. It was a beautiful summer eve...and there wasn't too much of an argument to keep me from going this time..There were dishes to do, but he said he would do them.. (thank you)

I have not been on my bike for a year, perhaps? Did I bike when I was pregnant? I can't remember.

In any case, it felt soooooo good to be "back in the saddle"

When I was a teen, my bike was one of my best friends. I went everywhere on my bike before I had a car. It was my therapy, my freedom, my adventure.

I felt a sense of that again, last night.

while I was out, I visited some of some of our neighbors..people with whom I've met from my kids' school and have wanted to get to know better. I stopped by 3 homes just to see if they happened to be outside. I was in luck and I got to have some adult conversation time..(and found out I had put on my helmit backwards!) Luckily I can laugh at myself...and how silly I must have looked! (yeah, I'm a pro-biker all right!) Ha! It must have been the lead paint I licked as a child. (-;

Ah, my sense of humor..there it is!

So, I felt great from the exercise and the chance to be social and a little bit social (and blond)..

and the chance to (blush) have a break from the kids..

I have got to do that more often!!! (started having visions of being a true Portlander and biking everywhere..getting my groceries, taking my baby around,...all on bike.) I am so inspired by people who do that.. I'd love to be that fit too.. (-; I know someone who has opted out of having a car and truly bikes and uses the bus soley!! amazing to me!

Perhaps, I could do that with child #3..It isn't too late to go down that road even if I hadn't done it with my other two..

This is where I need some cheerleaders in my corner to tell me I can do it!! (-; (could I actually get myself into shape enough to do that?!)

I used to do that as a teen/and college student...there is a part of me that has always LOVED the bike..the feeling of freedom..speed, openness around me..There is something about it that is glorious! (and a little bit of a rush too when you let yourself go as fast as you can)

http://www.urbanmamas.com/urbanmamas/2011/07/how-to-get-mamas-on-the-saddle.html

Homemade Baby Food is not mysterious or difficult to make!

2011-08-02T21:47:00.000-07:00

My 6 month old eating pureed avocado.

I am not gardening as much on my "little homestead" as I'd like this year, but I am making my own baby food. I do not know why I did not do this before with my other two children!

It was 6 years ago with my daughter and 8 years ago with my son..

Back then, baby food seemed mysterious to me...what was that stuff in the jar? What made it specially formulated for babies? I did not even question using it for my babies.

Since then, I have learned more and more about processed foods...and that info sums up to this: Processed foods..just about all of them that you buy from a can or box or bag, are changed so much, or have so much added to them that they are not even recognizable as real food at all. They are dead foods...do not have active live enzymes.. They often have hidden ingredients or rancid unstable oils..Etc. etc..

Who knows what baby food is really made out of??? I just learned that even "healthy juice" is anything but...things like oxygen sucked out so it has a life of a year..then flavor packs added back into it to give it flavor..and it is still called 100 percent real juice...
http://healthfreedoms.org/2011/07/31/the-secret-ingredient-in-your-orange-juice/

In any case, I wish to make it known to anyone who does not know it..Makiing baby food is super simple..and you can actually have control over what goes into it...and it can be REAL food..It is as simple as steaming some zucchini and pureeing it in a blender.

One way to get kids to eat greens

2011-07-27T21:39:00.001-07:00

Pesto can be made from more than basil!

Motherhood

2011-07-27T20:31:00.001-07:00

This tree is laden with much fruit. (-;

Should I do something for this poor tree?

It is interesting how this happened to this apple tree...I have been feeling just like this tree this past couple of weeks. Do you sometimes feel like this?

On the one hand, this tree is very blessed!

On the other hand, it could sure use something to help it carry its weight! LOL!! Hard to reach to the sky.. So much weight on its branches.. but what a bounty! what wonderful fruit! But how hard it can be to carry such responsibility.. (and literal weight) (my 6 mos old is almost 17 pounds now!)

Excess

2011-07-18T15:44:00.000-07:00

My two olders greeting our new baby on her first day home with all their stuffed toys..She is being loved by the whole family of stuffed animals. <3

My six year old daughter likes to fill her bowl up with cereal and then only eat half of it. I am trying to teach her to take a smaller amount and then take more if she is still hungry.

Sometimes people offer clothing that their child has outgrown. I am trying to not just say "yes" to it, if we do not need it. Sometimes we need the clothes, but sometimes we don't. There are some clothes in my daughters closet that she does not need..that end up on the floor..that are not appreciated.

My children have TONS of stuffed animals...My son has been "collecting" pillow-pets. They have toooo many stuffed animals. Their toy chest is full and overflowing. We do not need any more.. But my children still crave more stuffed animals. I am in love with kitchen gadgets lately...and they are "my toys"... oh, and books..I love books.

When is it "enough"?? Do we ever get the "sense" of "enough"

Many people have insulin issues in their bodies. I do not remember what it is called, but someone with diabetes or pre-diabetes may have lost the ability to feel full..at the right time to know when to stop eating.

I think in a materialistic culture many of us have also lost the ability to feel the full of "enough"..

How many gadgets do we really need? NEED?? It seems the more we have the more we want...We are never fully satisfied.

In my religion, each year, we have a period of Fasting in March. The 19 Day Fast. This period of time, reminds me how to "restrain" myself. And let myself feel "empty" for awhile..

Funny thing happens when we allow "space"... Space does not remain as space for very long. I bet there is a physics law involved.. Seems there is a force like gravity that is like a vacuum

When we empty ourselves of food, something else fills that space..

Reflection. Insight. Love. Thoughtfulness.. (sometimes sadness and angst too)

What happens when we create space in our homes?

(In my home, other stuff fills it-LOL!)

But, I do notice that when I do a purging in my children's room...They suddenly find the toys that are left in there, more interesting and meaningful..It usually results in a nice wave of imaginative play..

What happens when we have excess...When we have enough, what we have is useful. When we have excess..what we have is clutter and garbage..It loses its meaningfulness, it creates a burden...we have too much to take care of. We resent it..psychologically and spiritually..It blocks our ability to have enough "space" for spiritual-mindfulness...It clutters our minds with its allure..its seductiveness.. Our stuff is a little "too cool" and it takes over our thoughts.. Or it is too much of a good thing and it clutters our space and feels like garbage as we trip over it and can't find a place for it. We "worry about it"...becoming lost or damaged.

There is also the excess of activities or hobbies. Doing too many things, can sometimes water-down their significance, importance. Sometimes doing too much leads to doing things too superficially..and not really doing anything important at all.. Too many friends at a party, can lead to too many superficial interactions.. (not always)--but I have certainly had this experience.. Even learning too many things--jumping from topic to topic, can lead to only a surface learning instead of mastery of one topic. (I am guilty of this) Trying to cover too much in an essay can water down its purpose.. Writing too many "words" is "wordy".. Is it not better to be concise. (I am sure I am guilty as of this even in this article I am writing)

What is enough?? in a culture where the norm is "excess".. When do we stop accumulating? What is the limit? How many of us even have a feeling of "full"..or a "norm" of what full is?? in a culture that pushes us to "buy" all the time..

Everywhere I turn, I feel the pressure to buy.. On billboards, in the mail, over the phone, at my doorstep, on the internet, in my children's school.. It infiltrates even at moments I least expect, when I search for human connection, there is sometimes conversation about the "newest gadget"...Materialism saturates everything around me..It is a constant pressure and temptation..and like an addiction I can't get away from, because I have to buy the necessities too..but it is difficult to filter necessity from cultural perception of necessity..or want... And it gets worse..The internet has made that part worse..

How can we as a culture change this? How can I change this within my own home? How can I find the strength to filter it?..and resist it? especially when I don't even want to sometimes? Is there hope that we will change this trend globally? Because it is not sustainable....We can't live in this excess indefinitely..It is unhealthy and immoral. when so many others do not even have a basic "enough"..but perhaps those who are more "empty" are filled with more of what is more "real"..?

Do you feel a sense of "full" or "enough"? How does one develop it, when one lacks that feeling? How do you teach it to the next generation that has it even harder than we...When marketing is even more powerful than it was 10 years ago.. and pressures children at younger and younger ages..(to pressure their parents to buy) How do I teach my children when I don't even have it all figured out within myself?

I think perhaps, we have to become clear on our priorities. and concise in what we need.. and have money for..and what is ethical to buy or not buy. And slow the heck down so we can think about it and not be so impulsive...and filter the ads and pressures and even avoid the situations of temptations if we can.

What do you think/do about this?

Expectations

2011-07-18T14:55:00.000-07:00

When I was teaching junior high (back in 1998), I was encouraged to have specific "expectations of my students" so that they had clarity on how to behave in the classroom. I was not very good at this skill...And was confused about how to do this. Even since that, I have thought about what that meant exactly...

Expecting more of a child so that they know that you believe in them. Believing in them...in their virtue and ability..

I think about that idea when I tell my children what I "expect of them" so that they are clear on how to behave and how to treat others, etc. I still vary in my ability to do this...and I feel a little bit of bitterness towards that year of teaching junior high, as a fledgling teacher...and the failure also of the administration in really helping and encouraging me as a teacher and how ultimately they made me feel like I had failed. (they also did not make their expectations very clear of what they wanted from me either..) Nor, did they give me credit for my own ability to learn and grow as a teacher.. I'd be a very different teacher now..as I have learned and matured and developed in my ability to "manage children"

I was a timid...progressively minded fledgling teacher in a conservative back country school.. teaching 7th and 8th grade in a district where there wasn't very much parental support..and many children with high needs.. and not enough text books to go around, etc. I'd assign homework and I'd say I'd get 20 percent who would return it and I was told to not even bother assigning homework, because of that.

Anyway, I digress...I hadn't mean to tangent on that experience..It hits a nerve as I reflect upon it...some wounds not quite healed, I guess..

Expectations...I had meant to write about another aspect of that word.

The part of expectations that is like poison..

Expectations of what we think others "owe" us.

Poisionous expectations.. I have wasted so much time, wishing so and so were different..and more like someone else.. or wishing I had more support from family, etc..

It is what it is.

Family is what it is in this time period in our history.. Where divorce is rampant. And families are torn apart and money doesn't quite buy what it even did ten years ago... Grandparents' lives are not as "together" as I perceived them to be when I was growing up. And they can't always provide what I'd hope for. They don't always put you or their grandchildren first on their priority table.

Who am I to judge that?

I am practicing the skill of letting go of my own expectations and letting things be as they are..what they are and being grateful for what flows our way and not dwelling on what does not flow our way.

Because I think expectations can be like poison to relationships when you think you are "entitled" to something..because of who you are in the relationship. And giving people the benefit of the doubt that they are doing what they can..and being what they can.. 100 percent looks different when you don't see the whole picture. Most days, I really try to give my 100 percent..but it does not always show. It is not always obvious at all..And I have to assume it is the same with other people whose shoes I do not walk.

Hoping for and expecting does not help anything at all. or at least not dwelling on those expectations and being unforgiving..or holding a grudge..or judging.

I am working on being more "Zen" and letting it go..and loving people for where they are at and assuming that they are giving their 100 percent.

(that 100 percent idea) comes from the Fly Lady...something I just read from her book about doing chores around the home and not taking a martyr attitude. A partnership is not 50-50...It is 100-100. It will never seem equal..Yet, each person should give their 100 percent.. And even if it doesn't feel like the 'other one" is giving their "fair share"..to not take the martyr attitude. Don't stop giving your 100 percent..because you think the other person isn't doing their "half"..Don't think in halves.. Each person should give "their 100 percent"... but that 100 percent may not "look like" what you "expect it to look like"..

I am badly paraphrasing and inserting my own thoughts into the above...

Another difficult part of expectation is my own perception of what others expect of me... Supermom-ism.. To be the nurturer, the everything to everyone, the supporter, and somehow get everything done around the house, the net-worker and support the husband's job and family and friends, and make sure my children are properly groomed, educated, behaved, etc.. This is another poisonous type of expectation too...

Ideally, the only standard I should try to live up to, is the standard that should be liberating to me.. and free me from the expectations of others..The standard of my perception of what God or higher power, or higher nature, or (my own higher self) thinks I should be...I know when I give 100 percent. No one else can "measure that" or really know it..except myself.. And even outward criticism, or passive aggressive criticism (or imagined criticism) should not sway me..or "touch me"..if I furrow my own row..and know I am doing the best I can.

Judge not. others. and let others judgments (and my imagined judgments) bounce off me..

Rice Cereal Homemade

2011-07-01T17:36:00.001-07:00

Homemade Rice Cereal for Baby--Soo easy!

brown rice

Brown rice ground up in my Vitamix (can make a bigger batch to refrigerate)

1/4 cup of rice slowly added and whisked into 1 cup of boiling water

Ready to freeze or store in refrigerator

Add water, breast milk or formula to dilute/cool down/ get to right consistency..

STAHM-"I don't just STAY"

2011-06-28T15:28:00.000-07:00

Lisa Bloom: How to Talk to Little Girls

I have soo many thoughts on this topic lately..(I am writing in rough draft journal form---if I had time to edit, I would have time to blog more often...and I am lucky to have time to blog at all..)

On the Article above
First of all this article above talks about how girls can be impacted by how we praise them..if we praise them for being pretty..they may associate their value with how they look.. why not simply recognize what they are doing and thinking about rather than "giving them praise"...The praise comes from paying attention to them and verbally acknowledging what they are doing...We do not even need to give them an overt praise at all. Simply stating, "looks like you are working really hard on that drawing. I can see you used vivid colors, etc" is often enough without saying, they look cute or pretty..etc..

STAHM--
Another thought I've been having is over the term Stay At Home Mom...UG! I am realizing that I HATE that term. It does NOTHING to describe what I DO at all. Think about it, what comes into YOUR mind when you hear that term??

Stay
At Home
Mom

Stay--I'm just staying somewhere..not doing anything, but staying..

at home--sounds like I'm not GOING anywhere..

at home mom...to me that sounds lazy...just a mom who stays at home..

Ok, that does NOT describe what I do AT ALL!

Here is what I do:

Feed my kids 3 meals, plus snack
tend to my family's intellectual, emotional, and physical well being..keeping up with hygience--laundry, baths, keeping the kitchen sanitary.

Help my kids with homework (which began at kindergarten in our school)
Transport my kids to and from school. (for the past year, that means 2-3 trips to the school a day) dependending on whether my husband brought them to school, because my dauther had half day kindergarten..And before that: it meant juggling 2 schools and transportation to preschool and elementary schools..up to 3-4 trips a day.

Gathering food-grocery shopping, trips to farm, co-op, gardening.Endless laundry and dishes and clean-up.

Playing with my kids-listening to them.

Conflict management of my children.
Planning play dates with other children.
Outings with my children and other children.
Helping out in schools, volunteering
Planning neighborhood childrens classes
Taking on the bulk of planned birthday parties, packing for trips,
holding down the fort when my husband goes on business trips for a week or more.

I am lucky to be able to be HOME with my children. I cannot deny that. But my husband is also lucky too. Because I am home with the children he does not have to miss work when the kids are sick. He does not have to prepare a meal when he comes home from work and I also do 85 percent of the dishes. He does not have to accommodate my job with his work schedule. Or have to juggle his job with childcare. We do not have to pay for childcare which I hear can cost in the ranges of $1000/month per child (which would cost our family $3000/month during the summer months if I was working.

Staying at home keeps our lives a little less "harried" and there is more "give"..

But, with that "privilege" I sometimes feel "guilty"..like I should take on "more"...because I'm "lucky"..And I do take on more...because I am "available". When we have guests, I show them hospitality and give them the "sight-seeing tour" as much as I can. I would not be able to even do this if I was working outside the home.

Sometimes people ask me, "are you going back to work" or "when are you going back to work?"

After all, I am a professional too.. I have my "masters in counseling" and loans to pay back to prove it.

That is a loaded question..

when I am asked this question, it feels like there are assumptions behind it.. To be fair, often the question is out of caring..

But, the assumptions seem to be that a STAHM cannot possibly feel fulfilled by her role...
And that she has a greater obligation to make $$ and if she is not, she is avoiding responsibility to the greater community and to bring in $$ for her family..She is "living off of her husband" rather than sharing in the responsibility of providing income to the family. She is not improving herself by challenging her professional skills... She is a slacker... (( I read a book that even went so far to say that she "makes up value in what she is doing"---She creates the value...finds things to do to rationalize her choice! (couldn't this also be said about many "jobs" out there too??) What an unfair way to attack the choice! )))

because what is she doing all day, but STAYING AT HOME..

and watching soap operas, I guess... LOL! Although, I'd love to watch Star Trek..if I had the luxury of being able to sit down long enough. (-;

Perhaps some do that.. I do not.

Am I lazy. No, I work ALL day!! and not just the 8 hour work day. Somtimes that "work goes into deep into the night" when the baby wakes at 2am..or one child is sick during the night, or has a nighmare..And often those dishes and laundry are done into the late hours of night..

Is that work fun. Yes, sometimes it is great fun..sometimes we go to the zoo and have a blast, but other times, it is challenging too...like when the kids are fighting or complaining..sometimes it can be very hard physically and emotionally. And sometimes I do get breaks too.,.some days are restful on occasion..when the kids are in a good groove..It depends on the day or the routine, or the outside needs... Because there are many other needs outside of our home that come our way as well..

Am I fulfilled. Sometimes I am very happy and fulfilled. Sometimes I am not. Sometimes, it is a huge challenge to fit in some intellectually enriching things into my life.. (sometimes it can be weeks I long to write on this blog and just can't get to it) And want to garden and find every obstacle in my way and having to meet everyone's needs before my own...and weeks pass before I get a "turn".. But is every person "fulfilled and challenged" by their jobs?

What about contributing $$ for the family.. (need I repeat how much childcare costs?) if I were paid $3000 a month instead of paying it for childcare, that would not be too bad a salary! And what about how much it costs to "work"

If I were working, we'd have to go out to eat/buy processed food/take out much much more than we do not..Our food bill would go up astronomically.. I would need professional clothes for my job too..and we'd need 2 cars and insurance for those cars. My husband would have to work fewer hours and take more days off for sick childcare..

Need I legitimize my choice more than this?

but STAHM...I do so much more than "STAY"

I also garden, and am learning every day...not only about children and how to love and care for them, but also the "homemaking" arts.. I have actually learned how to be a pretty good cook. (I used to live off of ramen and spaghetti and microwave potatoes in college) I've come a long way from those days. I am also learning other things-preserving food, knitting, violin, sewing..

Those things make me feel very much fulfilled..I have LEARNED so much in the past 8 years! I can DO so much more than I ever knew how to do. (and none of that involves the very non-action verb of "stay"

On another note; is supermomism

Sometimes, the guilt and the need to "legitimize" the choice...leads to the need to present myself as more of a supermom.. And I use the word "present" not to say I have been unauthentic in anything I have shared about what I've done, but I realize I do not often present the bad days...or the times I may lose my temper, or my husband and I fight.

I have recently been complimented(?) by two different people. One friend asked me if my husband and I ever fought...(do we really present ourselves as above that??) We certainly are not above that...We certainly are not perfect.. I do not mean to represent myself or our family as "the perfect family/marriage, etc) We are not. We are not. We are not... And I am not a supermom either and hope that I am not coming across that way..

I am driven towards trying to be the best I can be...and do that best I can..I am also very excited about learning.. especially new things. I think I am an artist at heart, because I latch onto the "art of cooking, the art of gardening...heck..I used to paint.. and write poetry..and certainly I've always been "writing"..So, with that inspiration and being able to be on that track I am full of enthusiasm for what I am doing right now! (especially when my little 5 month old looks into my eyes with such sweetness..my heart bursts!)

I LOVE LOVE LOVE my children..and BEING a mom.

I was an only child...who DREAMED of having siblings...dreamed of a large family. I came from a mom who adored being my mom..

It rubbed off..that LOVE...and dream of kids.. I really am one of those moms who just always wanted to be a MOM ever since I was a child.

That truly is who I am.. And is by no means what every woman should be.. or even try to be. It is my greatest longing and joy...

but even so, I do need to "write" to "garden" to "create"..I do not "parent" allll the time.. I do zone out and ignore the kids on occasion. (-;

Feminism is about women having the "choice" to be able to do what they need to do..want to do and not to be stopped by ideas of what women can or cannot do, or should or should not do.. to be able to self-actualize and not have someone putting them in a box and controlling them..

The suppression of women is still happening...sometimes I think it is worse than it used to be..

Girls are taught at a very very young age that they have to be "everything" to "everyone"...and it can lead into supermom-ism as well.. I do not wish to perpetrate this in my blog. I am not a supporter of supermom-ism.. Women should not feel they have to be "everything"

Sometimes, it takes on the form of being a career woman and a mom..and skinny, and beautiful, and a good cook, and the nurturer, and available to the family.. And if a girl or woman is not one of those things somehow she has "failed".. (MYTH) MYTH MYTH!!!!! A female does not have to be EVERYTHING...to be something. She does not have to be beautiful/anorexic to be "something" either..(link back to the above article)

In my case, I am not balancing my career right now.. But part of the question: When are you going back to work, implies, I should be fitting that in too..

But, it would for our family, be at a cost, at this point...

Perhaps, not as much later, but while my husband's job takes on so much of his day...and the kids are home a good part of the day even during school year, and I have an infant to also care for... It would be at a great cost to us.. (or so it seems at this point)

That is a cost, I wish to not have our family have to pay right now.

It is not the case with every family... I know many families where both parents work and it works for them.. Every situation is different and I do not profess superiority for being a STAHM at this time.. I do not know if my children are being their best by my "staying at home" rather than sending them to daycare?? I think there are pros and cons to both choices depending on the situation. It is the choice I am currently making, and it is what currently works for US...but for other families it is better the other way.. or for the father to stay at home.. or for both parents to work and work different shifts, or use day care, or have a nanny, etc.. There are countless combinations and scenarios. Again, I repeat, I do not claim superiority..this choice in NOT for everyone..and may not even be a choice for many..

I emphasize that women should not have to be "supermom"...It is unrealistic.. and how ironic that the supermom expectation can come with it a term called "Stay" at home mom...(if she does not work outside the home)..what a LAME title.. and how unfair.. and how inaccurate.. She really can't win. If she works, she is criticized for putting her carer and self before her children, but if she stays at home, she is criticized for being lazy and not contributing financially or being entitled..

Back from Australia (the back home -out of time phenomenon)

2011-06-02T08:47:00.000-07:00

What a trip/adventure! Here we are on a 4k hike (2k up hill) Not bad, considering I'm still recuperating from my c-section. I have to brag that I carried the baby..only because she fell asleep that I did not pass her to Mike for a little relief.. My stomach muscles are doing a little better from all the exercise on the trip.

We saw Kookaburras! When my son was a baby I used to sing the Kukaburra song to him..We actually heard them laugh, and I have one picture of them in a gum tree too!

Being able to pet a koala was definitely a highlight. They are every bit as sweet as they look.

This is near Kiama, Australia...This area is truly beautiful..rolling hills, ocean..

I will add more pictures, I think..but I wanted to simply say, we are back. We had a great trip..

It felt strange at first getting back..It made me think about how all our cells are replaced on a regular basis.. I felt like I had been spinning for a long time, and when I got back, I stopped spinning, but I could still feel the room spin around me. It also felt like all my cells had been replaced while I was gone, and I had to adjust to my new body...and like my home's cells had been replaced too..I felt out of time.. (we were quite literally out of time when coming home) We had 2 Thursdays..Left on Thursday AM, and arrived in PDX Thursday AM) But something like 17 hours had passed for us..yet, it was STILLLLL Thursday AM.. Twillight Zone (ish) And on top of that it was Fall in Australia, and it is Spring here.

I remember this "feeling" when I was a kid..whenever we went camping and came back after a couple of weeks, home felt "different" like something had changed..Feels unreal..like I had slipped out of my reality and came back and reality had changed..or not..but I had changed..and home hadn't..and I had to slip back into "reality" again..but everything felt different somehow.. familiar...I've never used "drugs"...but from what I've heard described of using LSD, I'd almost compare it to that...like it kind of "trippy" (no pun intended-LOL!) I love the feeling of coming home and experiencing this "out of time" feeling. (is there a name for this feeling??) Haven't felt it in a long time.. It also made me feel like I truly am HOME here..after being away and coming back here...this HOME here in Oregon is HOME for me now. I've lived in a few places since I moved away from NH (after growing up there for 19 years)..No place has quite felt like home since then, as it does here..

Well, I do have more stories..But I will break them up into different journal entries..as disjointed as that is.. sorry.. but that is my life right now, and my ability to have time enough to myself to be able to write here.. (not a complaint) just a fact. (-;

Art and history

2011-05-06T17:15:00.001-07:00

Isn't it interesting how digital photography style is changing..what does that say about us now..how does that reflect upon who we are right now? This style is dreamy surreal a mystical otherworldly glow..feelings representational..rather than completely literal..not quite realistic. Interesting..I find myself drawn to it..the feeling of this style..the glow in it..

Green Smoothie and Homemade Baby Food

2011-04-16T19:40:00.000-07:00

Over the past couple of years I've been hearing about the Vita Mix Blender.. I guess it has been around for quite a long time. I decided to look into it as I am about to jump on the bandwagon of making our own baby food. The thought of buying baby food no longer appeals to me..not so fond of processed foods..even organic processed foods. The Vita Mixer sounds like a good quality appliance..expensive, but it seems like it is well made and can reduce the need to have "several" appliances. (sometimes it is better to get the "better" blender..rather than one that will burn out in a couple of years..The hope is that it will last a very long time..

It also seems it can work not only as a blender, but as a food processor, grain grinder, dough kneeder, juicer, and soup maker.. It seems to be better than a juicer as it can grind up both the fiber and the softer part of fruit and vegetables. In any case, it seems like a worth-while investment. And I believe it will basically pay for itself if I use it to make baby food rather than buying all the jars..which really add up.. At the same time, I am reading about the "green smoothie".. a very interesting concept that I am aching to try.. I think it'll be a way to get more greens into our diet..and make it palatable for my kids especially. I'm not even close to being a vegetarian or vegan or a raw foodist, but I can't deny the appeal and the argument for integrating more raw foods and greens into our diet. Just thinking about sipping a green smoothie gives me a feeling of clean-healthy refreshment..that sounds cheesy saying that... If I had the time to review and rework how I describe it...but as cheesy as it sounds...I can tell my body craves the nourishment from what a green smoothie could give to me..I can feel that my body needs it.. on a cellular level. I have a lot to recuperate from..having a baby and c section and currently nursing.. I can't wait to start making them.. I am really looking forward to when our mixer arrives! and I am hoping to get those greens into my children too.. We do try to eat our fruits and veggies every day, but sometimes it is not easy to get enough of it--especially get my kids to eat enough of it! This seems like a really good way to do it. (we'll see) I'll have to update this when we've been trying it for a few weeks. (btw: the author/creator of the green smoothie is from Oregon!) (-;

Another plus is that a green smoothie is a quick easy snack/meal that is healthy and nourishing.. quick and easy often equate to fast food or microwave meal.. so I am happy to find something I can make quickly when I am strapped for time or low on energy.

15 Minutes a Day

2011-04-16T19:19:00.000-07:00

I've been adapting to life with 3 children..or I should say 2 children and a baby. (-; I have a new routine and limitations as to what I can get done in a day. I am back to not being able to spend more than a few minutes at any one task, so I am finding ways to adapt to that. It forces me to have to make the most of each moment..

When I go to the gym, I bring a book along and right now I am reading Sink Reflections and I have only read the first couple of chapters, but so far, I am inspired..and hopeful. The main advice I have picked up so far is to spend 15 mintues a day on any one task and to do it every day in order to keep up with the cleaning.. (but first she emphasizes taking care of yourself and getting dressed, making yourself look nice before taking on the cleaning) I have to confess that I am not very good at keeping up with the everyday upkeep..and by the weekend, the house looks like it has been hit by a tornado. And I am still a packrat..and I not not a very good "minimalist"...there is too much clutter in our home and I have a hard time letting things go. I think I would love to have a peaceful home without the clutter, but at the same time still have all of our "stuff".. Still, there are many things that we own that I nor anyone else really value too much and it is those things we should donate or find a home for, etc.. The "flylady" gives the adice of spending 5-15 mintues a day attacking the purging part of the process. (I keep waiting for when I have a whole day to work on it) That is often how I prefer to work..being able to spend large chunks of time cleaning/purging, so that I can have an equal amount of time to "play or be with my family later" The truth is, though, that I am not going to have large amounts of time any time in the near future... The 5-15 minutes a day is much more realistic at this point while I have a baby in tow..and (at times) some very needy older kids..

So, I made a spreadsheet of the chores I need to do daily so I can try to keep up with the basic maintenance and I cross them off each day so I can see and feel good about what I've accomplished. I also try to include a little gardening in there too, or blogging, or reading.

This was my first week and I was actually really worn out from my attempt.. But, I could be worn out because I need to exercise and eat a little better too.. (I've been drinking too much coffee lately) Still, I'm hopeful. Seems that authors make it seem so much easier than it is in reality..or I'm still trying to do too many things..(I'm never going to be truly at peace as long as I hold onto too much of the stuff and desire more of a minimalistic atmosphere)

The culture here in Portland...has me striving to become more minimalistic..It is a praiseworthy goal..But, the truth is, I am not really a minimalist in behavior..I like the peacefulness of a simple home, but I also love the gadgets and toys.. It is a standard of behavior..lifestyle..that is one of my biggest challenges..

But, I am going to try the Fly Lady approach..and we'll see how it goes! Baby steps..perhaps may be the only sustainable way I can hope to achieve it! This is also how I hope to get some gardening done too.. I have to find ways to be happy with the 5-15 minute stretches at one activity/project..But if I can do that every day, I might make some progress.. Like water dripping..It is amazing how powerful water can be..even a steady dripping..day after day can create a canyon eventually.

Loss and Strength and Love: Japan and Here.

2011-04-05T09:09:00.000-07:00

I have some sweet sweet friends who have been going through my worst fear.. My heart aches for them every day..and in the reality that life and death live side by side and that life is always in flux..our physical existence is not something we have complete control over. The earthquake in Japan is but one reminder of the fact that our homes are built upon a thin crust over a hot liquid that can move..and shift..and no where is truly safe from that shifting. (or other kinds) Nature is not always kind..in many ways..

One of my dear sweet friends who used to babysit my children, was pregnant the same time as me..and due just a month after. About a month ago, she gave birth to her sweet son, and he was born not breathing.. We went to his memorial this weekend. I am repeatedly touched by their resolve through this and the wisdoms they shared. For one, this incredible soul-mamma spoke before us and said that there is nothing to fear..not life or death and that her son taught her that..that life and death exist together..She quoted from the Bible of the Kingdom.. She spoke with beauty and love and sincerity.. She spoke of her son's fiery and brave spirit. I am in awe of their courage. They believe that their son's short life was to open them(and others) up to burn away what is false (at least that is my interpretation of what they have said).. They said they are no longer afraid of grief/loss. They have not been afraid to share in the beauty of their son and the loss and pain they experience. I haven't seen anything quite like the glow I feel from them right now.. the beauty in their pain..like love is surrounding them right now. Yet, it truly is pain....but the burning pain of a sacrifice..and when I feel it, I want to hold my little daughter close..(I am afraid of grief and loss) and I desperately don't want to experience that kind of loss.. Can't imagine..don't want to imagine what it has been like for such a mass loss as in Japan..But I feel some comfort in watching this family go through this..some hope that in knowing I can't control the forces of nature..or God's will..that when loss does visit, it can be met with such strength and love..

I have another friend, who 10 months ago lost her 16 year old son. He drowned in a river nearby.. The other day, we had coffee together and she described also with pain and in beauty of her love for him and a belief that he is with her still. She said she is still standing there in that place when she first found out..she is still there screaming outside calling him home when he did not arrive home when he had said. She had known before she was told..that she was not going to see him again in the physical..But she was and still is outside (metaphorically) screaming for him to come home. I can't imagine a pain harder than this...the agony of being separated from your child.

In the Baha'i writings, it is said that the next world is closer to us than our life vein..so in "reality" there is no true separation.. There is so much comfort in this, but it still hurts..hurts at the thought of it.

I've been reading some of the writings of the philospopher, Epictetus. The basic idea (which I'll have to insert the quote here when I find it) Is that it is not the events to be afraid of..nothing truly hurts us..It is our perception of those events that hurt us (or help us).. We cannot control the events..but we can control how we perceive them. We should focus on what we can control..(which is our perceptions) I was also touched by a blog/email shared on FB by someone who was living in Tokyo with her little daughter during the time of the earthquake..and how she dealt with the "fear"..and how she was able to move beyond the fear..described how it was time to do something..and get out of the fear mindset. How To Stop Being Afraid—Even When The Whole World Thinks You Should Be

The media portrays horror in relation to tragedies such as Japan..But I bet if we were there..yes, there is horror, but I bet there is a way of looking at it in a different way..The media shows the "physical horror of it" over and over again, but it does not show, the courage and the healing and the love adequately..the spiritual growing that can come from it. or the beauty of the souls passing into the next world..the light they must see as they pass on..the love and light..that my dear friends have been experiencing in their loss of their baby-son.. The agony comes from the PTSD reliving of the horror-moment-physical-nature over and over again.. But there is another reality happening..I think the reality that God wants us to see. The REALITY that my dear friends can see..as they experience their deepest of loss.

When I lost my mother, I experienced this too...The PTSD feeling of the horror of losing her/how she was lost..but also the feeling of love and light..and the celebration of HER..and the love for her and her for me. And the feeling of her spirit of who she was and IS.. and the reality that she is not gone..she is in my mind and heart somehow..close to me than my life vein. I don't feel the PTSD anymore..But I did for quite a long time, but I do know the feeling LOVE of when she passed from her/for her and from my family and community who came to LOVE me and her and my dad during that time period..and from people who mention her who knew her and loved her..now..11 years later.

There is more I could say..but I think that I have said what I needed to..for now.

Except that I encourage my readers to donate if you can to those who need help: being a part of a world community, we cannot ignore those who are suffering...

http://www.unicef.org/
or
https://american.redcross.org/site/SPageServer?pagename=ntld_main

You can also, if you feel inclined donate to the family who I mentioned who lost their baby. They have some big medical expenses to pay off. You can use paypal to: lincolncrockett@gmail.com

Learning to relax Expectations

2011-04-04T10:16:00.001-07:00

There is so much I would like to do..as I blog one handed on my phone with a baby in my lap..spent ten dollars on cookies because don't have time/energy to make them..I tried to weed my strawberry and asparagus beds during a sunny window yesterday when husband took kids out for a bit but didn't make much progress.the time was a teaser. Feel I'm falling short in some of my commitments to my sustainability goals.. I'm not saying this to complain though..how can I when I feel the squiggly warmth of my child in my lap right now..so grateful for her..so nice to have her in our family. Wouldn't trade holding her for anything.. I hope I am able to care for the gardens too, but this time with her as a baby is so short..there will be other years to garden.

We are going to Australia!

2011-03-29T10:13:00.000-07:00

We are going on a trip soon! Off to visit some of my husband's family and explore a new place I have never been to before. I wonder how traveling will go with 2 kids and 1 baby.. (-;

My new phone

2011-03-29T08:51:00.001-07:00

Talk about being distracted by material things! I am blogging from my phone. This new phone is amazing... it can blog, gps, kindle, play movies, be a calendar, alarm, books on tape, facebook, email, word doc, spreadsheet, internet, camera, video, gameboy, music player..and oh yeah address book and phone..

Balance

2011-03-26T15:51:00.000-07:00

Well, my youngest is two months old now and we are transitioning into our new routines with 3 children..rearranging priorities..and figuring out what we can do and can't do. Blogging is one of those things I often long to do, but usually can't seem to "fit it in" these days. Starting this year's garden is later than last year, which is fine, because last year, I started too early anyway and much of my first attempt died.

This year I have the goal of including my kids more. I am hoping that we will build a new 5x5 bed with the kids and that will be their garden. Today, we bought seeds and some starter soil for our little seedling pots. It looks like the kids have a preference for flowers (and some pumpkins and corn). It is important, I think to let them choose what they want to grow.

I really feel this need to get them involved..feel like I've been losing ground with them lately...as they often scream to go to the store to buy stuffed animals or watching TV for what they want to do for fun. I gave them the lecture today that it's like only eating candy..I definitely felt like I was going against the current today to get my whole family to go to the garden store and buy some seeds. They, lately, seem "toxified" by wanting "more toys"..or sugar..or birthday parties.. Nothing wrong with those things in moderation, but I wonder sometimes that they forget the "authentic" kind of joy that comes from doing things like taking walks in woods, or planting a garden. I know I need it as much as they do.. (I have this new phone that that distracted me quite a bit these past 2 weeks)..and it feels a little bit icky..

If you eat too much sugar, the veggies don't taste as good.. but you tend to feel icky from the candy. Kids don't always have this filter yet to know the difference..but I can tell when my kids are starting to feel "toxic"..(Lately the tantrums)

So, we are taking the first step.. Gardening and going for walks out in nature seem to really help with "detoxifying"

It is going to be a challenge doing this because often my hands are not "free" I have had to scale back on my expectations. My Kombucha and Kefir died.. I can't take care of more than what I have to take care of right now. I don't even have time to make yogurt or granola or even cookies right now. I can barely make dinner, do laundry, and do the dishes (above and beyond taking care of my 3 kiddos needs) right now. But, gardening, I really really want to fit in somehow..and I want to help detoxify my kids from the TV and birthday parties and "fads"

(not that we are cutting out all those things..wish I had the guts to do that!)--but I at least want my children to recognize the difference and to be able to "enjoy" some wholesome alternatives..

Another step we've taken lately is enrolling our daughter in a gymnastics class, and our son in Aikido.. And I am soo glad they are doing those things, I have seen a difference in them already! They are feeling better about themselves, what they can do..Not to mention, the benefit they are getting from some physical activity. I really don't want to "overschedule" them, but at the same time, I think they really need those activities right now. It certainly hasn't hurt them.. And it is less opportunity to be pulled into TV.. I admire people who are able to give having that box in their homes.. (I'm not there yet)

Baby

2011-02-25T10:02:00.000-08:00

I had my little girl on Jan 19th via C-Section! She is now one month old! I have so much to catch up on in this blog! I really wanted to talk more about pregnancy, birth stories, etc.. I will have to do that in retrospect rather than as it was happening. Time to blog is limited these days as I am busier than ever with 3 kids. Transitioning with our latest child is going very very well. She truly is a peach and my olders are so loving and happy to have her! (what a relief)

Happy Ayyam-i-Ha!

2011-02-25T09:05:00.000-08:00

Happy Ayyam'i'ha everyone! These four days starting tonight include celebration, gift giving, hospitality, and charity for Baha'is around the world

http://bahaisongspoems.blogspot.com/2011/02/ayyam-i-ha-song.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ayyám-i-Há

Chocolate-Buttermilk Spice Cake with Whipped Cream Frosting

2010-11-24T15:14:00.000-08:00

I am posting this recipe, because sometimes I get requests for the recipe. I often make this cake for special occasions and it is really really delicious! It is a recipe that I have adapted from a couple of other recipes.

Chocolate-Buttermilk Spice Cake :

cooking time is for a bunting pan. 325 degrees for about 70 minutes. This timing depends on your oven and your pan. You may want to check it at 60 minutes to see if it might be done. You can also adapt this to make cupcakes pretty easily..just check the timing of how long to make regular cupcakes and subsititue the temp and time. (probably 350 degrees for about 15-17 minutes or so)

Ingredients

3 cups raw or white sugar

3 cups of unbleached white flour

3/4 cup of butter

3/4 cup olive oil

1 1/2 cups water

3/8 cups unsweetened cocoa powder

1 1/2 tsp baking soda

3/4 cup buttermilk

3 eggs

1 1/2 tsp salt

1 1/2 tsp cinnamon

1 1/2 tsp vanilla

Directions: (prepare the day before or many hours before to give the cake enough time to cool)

You will need 2 bowls and one sauce pan

preheat oven to 325. grease and flour your pan (or put parchment paper on the bottom)--it can be hard to get this cake out of the pan and the paper might make a difference.
sift sugar and flour together in one bowl
in sauce pan, combine butter, oil, water, and cocoa, bring to a boil, remove from heat and add to dry ingredients
dissolve baking soda in buttermilk; then add eggs, salt,cinnamon, and vanilla. Then mix this with the cocoa mixture
pour batter into pan and bake.

When the cake is done baking, set it aside and let it cool completely before trying to get the cake out of the pan. I have destroyed this cake a couple of times trying to get it out too soon. you may need to loosen the cake or pat the sides and bottom to try not to break the cake before it comes out in one piece. If it does break, you can often mend it with the frosting.

Whipped Cream Frosting

Ingredients

prepare the day of the event as it is best fresh

1 package of cream cheese, softened

1 cup of raw or white sugar

1/8 tsp salt

1tsp vanilla

1 1/2 cups of heavy cream

Directions

In a large bowl, beat cream cheese, sugar, salt, and vanilla until smooth.
In another bowl, whip the cream until it stiff peaks form.
Fold the whipped cream into the cream cheese mixture.

Alltogether: Cover the cake with the frosting carefully: using a rubber spatula works really well. It is often fun to let the kids add sprinkles and candles.

As you can see, I have made this cake many many times now over the past few years for both my kids! (-;

Restraint

2010-11-23T14:45:00.000-08:00

In this time before Thanksgiving (Black Friday and Lots of Food) in light of having Gestational Diabetes, I am faced with the the ongoing challenge of RESTRAINT..

Black Friday has never been a temptation me for, but online shopping has at times.. (-; and in light of $$ restraint, my husband and I have started a system of checking in with each other each and every week to account ourselves to what we have spent money on and to align it with the reality of how much $$ is left in checking. It was really hard to do this at first...(analyzing reality..and not judging ourselves on our splurges, but simply looking at and being accountable for what we have spent) But--it is becoming a wonderful tool and I know it helps keep me in line with "reality" The book, Your Money or Your Life has really inspired me to do this in a non-judgemental way...tallying every cent that is spent to see just how that money is spent and on what, and to think about the life energy that was used with purchases..and to determine whether it was worth it or not, or if the purchase reflects values, etc.. Choosing Family over Frenzy (an article about Black Friday over consumption)

On the GD topic--I have now had one week of being on a very strict eating regimine of also recording everything I eat and tallying grams of carbs. I have to eat 6 times a day and have a min/max carb intake combined with a fat/protein and I have to test my blood 4x/day.

So, this is what it looks like on a normal school day with an example of what I've been eating:

5:30 get up and test blood
6:30 (30 carb max/min) (which is about 1/3 cup of oatmeal and some nuts and 1/2 cup of milk) no sugar
8:30 test blood
10:30 snack (15-30 carb)--perhaps an apple and PB
12-1 lunch (30 carb/max/min) 1 meat sandwich on sprouted wheat bread with a veggie.
3pm test blood
3pm snack (5-15 carb): some cottage cheese and pomegranite
6pm dinner (30-45 carb) chicken with 1/2 cup of quinoa or rice and a veggie
8pm test blood
10pm snack (5-15 carb) about 10 tortilla chips and 2TB of salsa

It is pretty healthy and it is good to see what my blood sugar does with each thing I eat. For example: I've had a white flour food--like pizza and white bread twice and both times, my blood sugar spiked over normal, so I know I need to avoid white bread right now. I can eat 2 slices of sprouted whole wheat/grain bread and do fine, but if it were white bread, I'd be out of norm. range.

My goal is to stay under 95 for first in the AM fasting sugar level, and under 120-2 hours after each meal. So, far, I'm doing pretty well staying in that range..when I keep to the schedule..or get extra exercise.

Last night I had a bad dream, though, and I think it threw my numbers off-stress..feeling tired (maybe fighting a cold) and feeling discouraged...getting tired of the regimine..I miss the treats.. It isn't always easy using restraint all the time..restraint in eating and in spending $$...I guess I'm used to rewarding or comforting myself in those ways at times, and I can't allow myself to resort to those patterns when I'm feeling blue.. so I am left with feeling bummed out about it..

I read from the book, Your Money or Your Life that frugality is not about denying yourself--the orginal definition is frugality is being happy with less. I really really jive with that..how liberating it would be to be HAPPY with LESS..It is completely the opposite of what we are fed by the media every day--You need more to live in more luxury to make you have less work to do at home..(but you have to work more to have more of those conveniences) What if it really is easier and better to live without that dishwasher...to find you don't need it afterall.. don't really need a 2nd car...an in turn don't need as much money going out to pay for the car or fixing/replacing cheaply made dishwasher.. What if there are many many more of those things we could learn to live "without"--how much more liberating that could be!!

(I'm speaking as my own pep-coach)---as I am on this journey...but not very far into it yet.. Step by step.. So, it also seems that restraint must be what I practice right now..as unfun as it feels right now.. because I would love to have a slice of apple pie right now..or a gingerbread latte to help boost the feeling of being bummed right now.. (but I absolutely can't right now)

Gestational Diabetes

2010-11-11T07:17:00.000-08:00

Drama yesterday and didn't sleep well last night because of it.

Last Thursday I took the 3 hour glucose test after having an abnormal 1 hour test. I had dreaded it and even considered not taking it. My feeling lately has been that modern medicine is so fear mongering and highly invasive..I have been determined to not live in anxiety during this pregnancy. I have noticed that even my favorite pregnancy book is filled with the really nice images of a baby's growth every week, but then the rest of each chapter is all about all that can go wrong! Not really helpful..since stress and worry can cause even more problems. I'm highly prone to worry, so I'm just trying to think positively and it made me resentful that I had to take 100grams of glucose which I knew would make me feel sick for a whole day and make me worry...I had been feeling mentally/emotionally really good my pregnancy and then this.. And I think attitude can be sooo important..Sometimes these excessive tests simply lead to more stress and money spent. On the other hand, they can catch some important problems too, so I'm not totally against them. (ie, I did take the test ultimately)

It took a week for them to get back to me. I thought, "no news is good news, I hope" Still, I worried. Then yesterday at the worst possible time, I found the message from the clinic, when I had just brought my son home from school..a very tired and upset child who had yet again, had a bad "silly band" experience.. (had taken the chance and let him bring some to school) and he again gave away more than he had wanted to.. I got the message to call..and tried to call and talk to the nurse, but my son was not going to be calmed enough to really be able to do anything about getting the info I needed at that moment. My 3 hour came back abnormal.. which I guess means I have gestational diabetes. I didn't really think I'd fail it. I've only gained 12 pounds and I'm 30 weeks.. But I'm not surprised I have issues with processing sugar..it does make me feel tired..and I do feel sensitive to it.. (and I've been having too much of it lately with the Halloween candy hanging around)--occasionally I also have a big bowl of spaghetti for lunch, or a bowl of popcorn at night..and I know those have been splurges. And we often have a mix of whole grain bread, but also have some white ciabatta bread occasionally too.. But, I do eat really good meals with proteins and whole grains and fresh veggies..and avoid processed foods most of the time..

I am hoping that (the splurges aside) I have been keeping my blood sugars managed through how I eat..although I bet I could exercise more. It has been increasingly difficult to get to the gym.. But I do walk back and forth between home and school quite a bit and do lots of chores around the house, etc..

I know what I can do better..But, perhaps, I'm okay because I have been fairly moderate in my eating..(for the most part)...and maybe don't need to worry too much. My son was 7#2oz, 7 years ago, and my daughter was 7#8oz almost 6 years ago...not big babies.. so hopefully this baby will be fine too. probably a little bigger, though, since she is the 3rd.. Although I do remember my son's blood sugar dropping a lot the first couple of days after birth.. The pediatrician said it was because he was 2 weeks late..but perhaps I had had some glucose issues then too. (I did fail the 1 hour test that pregnancy too, but I passed the 3 hour)

I am thinking that just because I passed the 3 hour, didn't mean I didn't have issues I could have been mindful about...I was also tested the beginning of this pregnancy and I failed the one-hour and passed the 3 hour. I am thinking I could have been less quick to dismiss that I had passed if I had realized that I might have have been borderline..could have been more mindful all this time.. I don't think the result is so black and white.. So, I resent the fear-mongering.. (my last doc appt when we didn't know the result yet, my doc made a comment about measuring a little bigger than norm)--and mentioned the possibility of ultrasound to see if it is the baby or amniotic fluid.. (but I seem to remember that I measure a little little big because I am soo small...the baby has nowhere to go, but out since I have a short waist/etc..) Just the suggestion, made me feel angry at implanting the worry in my mind that didn't seem necessary (yet)--And I didn't like that she told me some "scary stories" to try to convince me to get the flu shot...She has no idea the research and agonizing I have already gone through in making that decision (last year).. Fear mongering...I'm really vulnerable to it, so I really resent the pressure..it does not help me to make good decisions. (and doesn't help me sleep at night!)

I remember watching..what was that movie..can't remember but it addressed how much fear American live in, because of the media, etc.. We are often manipulated by that fear mentality.. and I now feel really sensitized to it when someone uses that tactic...Even in the natural medicine side of things too..I respect Dr. Mercola's information, but his website is filled with sensationalism and fear mongering and conspiracy theory, etc.. It is on both sides.. I believe it is called "pathos"--the persuasion of our emotions. Logos-persuasion to our minds, and ethos-persuasion to our ethics?? (It's been a long time since I learned those terms..)

Dehydrating Tomatoes and Fruit Leather

2010-10-26T08:43:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I pulled out my dehydrator to dry some of my tomatoes. Dried tomatoes are very useful and delicous..You can add them to pizza, soups, salads, snack on them, etc.. It is also easier to dry fruits and vegetables than it is to can them. I like to do both. It is nice to have some variety during the winter months. With the tomatoes, I took off ends and gave it and x cut on the bottom to help peel. I peeled skins by putting tomatoes in hot water bath for 2 minutes, then cold water. Then I sliced them and placed them on dehydrator. Took many hours..

During this pregnancy I have also had a huge craving for nectarines, so I thought I'd try my first fruit leather and was astounded by how easy it was. Nectarine Leather: Peel, core, slice, and stick them in a blender with some lemon, honey and spices. I added nutmeg and yogurt as well. Pour onto the dehydrator sheets (or cookie sheet if you are using and oven). And be prepared for it to take many hours. You remove it when it is dry and tough, but a little bit tacky. Stick in a jar, or line with saran wrap. Keeps for 1 month outside of refrigerator. Longer if refrigerated.

Delcious!!!

I also decided to try it with apples. Apple Leather: I peeled, sliced, cored, added a little water, and cooked it until it was soft, added honey(or sugar), cinnamon, lemon, put in blender then poured into the dehydrator. My kids expecially liked the apple leather. I have read that adding yogurt to the recipe makes it extra delcious and healthy!

And it is beautiful!

For my dehydrator, I'm not sure if I recommend it yet or not, but so far it works really well. (It is a "cheaper one" that I got off of Amazon a couple of years ago)..so I'm sure there are ones that are much better. But, so far it has performed quite well. I'm not sure about the plastic, though?? I have heard that Excalibers are really good.

ThisNesco one is similar to the one I have.

Wordless Wednesday: Spiders and SparkleCat (Backyard)

2010-10-13T08:00:00.000-07:00

Silly Bandz, Rainbow Fish, and My Son

2010-10-12T09:52:00.000-07:00

My 7 year old son's first exposure to a school crazed fad:

I think it was about last week my son started really talking about Silly Bandz. "Mom, I feel left out. Everyone has silly bandz at school. I really want some; can we go buy some." It was then that I had a little conversation with him about fads--how they come and go, and everyone goes crazy about one thing and then it passes when the next fad comes along. I think for me, it was Garfield, then Michael Jackson, then Cabbage Patch Kids.

This past Sunday, he decided to use his allowance money to buy himself his first Silly Bandz. He was ecstatic about them and wore so many on his wrist, I was afraid his blood circulation would stop. He gave some to his sister and even a heart one for me, and I think a Dino for Mike. He played with them, he admired them, he organized them. He was on cloud nine.

Yesterday, he brought them to school, following the rules and only bringing them out for recess and snack time. I was there at the beginning part of that, helping out in his classroom and saw the first signs of it.. The first couple of them, he received trades for, but then some of them he simply gave away with promises from a couple of kids that they would bring in a trade the next day.

The hard part came when I picked him up from school and he took inventory of how many he had left. He realized that he probably wouldn't get "trades" for most of the ones he gave away..and suddenly he realized that his prized collection was mostly depleted..He started talking about how some kids promised to be his friend, how others promised trades, how some kids broke the first one he gave them, and asked for a second one. Then came the tears, the loss, and the anger. For about the first hour, I tried to console him, and talk about what he learned from it..Told him I was proud of his generosity and that he made some kids pretty happy, I bet, but also to pay attention to how many he had meant to give away--and to not fall for the "I'll be your friend" line. This conversation would have been fine, but my son has a way of not being consoled until he has cycled through the trauma, I guess.. He tends to continue to escalate with his feelings and this time he completely melted down-screaming, throwing things, the whole gamut. Then I find myself, not able to be the compassionate listener anymore and getting harder on him.."It is time to move on..and not wallow in it--because with him, it tends to escalate".. The episode lasted at least 3 hours, and I finally had to have him sit in a "calm down chair"--to keep him "safe". His sister tried to help. she gave him a hug, and also gave him back the silly bandz he had given her..The gesture helped. She did it at the right moment as he was becoming ready to move out of it. Phew..

Since then, I have been thinking about the learning opportunity here. Through this, we now have a reference point of how it feels to be taken advantage of--when it might be time to set a limit with other people and be able to say "NO"-- He experienced peer pressure... On the flip side, he also experienced being generous, and I'm sure felt good at times at the joy it gave to his classmates. He experienced the "emptying" out--and truly giving at a very generous level--without the holding back--most of us might have..

There is this book called the Rainbow Fish-A fish, who basked in his beautiful fins and kept them all to himself..but he was lonely and isolated. Later, he decided to give away just one fin--but then was able to give away more and more until he only had one left. It was only then, that he experienced joy and friendship. There is another children's story, The Quiltmakers Gift, about a king who collected gifts, but was always searching for the one gift that would make him happy(because he was very unhappy despite all that he owned)--It wasn't until he wanted a quilt from the quiltmaker, and she told him to give away the rest of his gifts so he could have a quilt, that he found happiness..such joy in the giving away..not just a few things, but everything.

In the Baha'i Faith, we often look to the son of the Founder of our Faith for examples of how to live as a Baha'i.. Abdu'l-Baha' was known as "a candle who would weep his life away drop by drop to give his flame"--He was not generous as a token, he was generous to his core--to the point that he would not even have a bed to sleep in because he gave it away.

Tristan was generous to the extent of emptying himself of what he treasured..but he also experienced the "fire" of agony at the loss of it--the consequence of what he did.. Perhaps a purifying fire (from this perspective)..

So, there are many ways of looking at this---The importance of being assertive and not being taken advantage of or giving into peer pressure. And, the true spirit of generosity without self-preservation. What is the balance?? I don't have that answer. I'm trying to figure it out for myself.. I can't give that answer to Tristan..but I think it is a good thing to think about.. On the one hand, I don't want him to be easily manipulated--and if the giving was because he was manipulated into it--than that is not good.. But if the giving was because he wanted to bring others joy--that is good, I think.. Also, like the rainbow fish, I think he liked his silly bandz because it gave him status--made him feel important, and when he gave them away, he also gave away the "status" that those bandz had given him. The status evaporated--and I think he may have been crying about that too--

So, many aspects to this to process for him (and for us as a family!!)

Another book that is relevant to this is

You are Mine: About puppets who think that their value comes from the toys they own: boxes and balls--and one puppet sells his home so he can try to have more boxes and balls than anyone(but still there are others who always have more-who are better Wemmicks)..until he finds the puppet maker who lets him know that what makes him special is not his toys... (The Baha'i perspective is that what makes us special is our spiritual reality--and our ability to rise above these material things, this material world-transcend and develop spiritual qualities-virtues) such as generosity

A friend from the east coast facebooked me, telling me that she had just bought some silly bandz and wanted to mail them to my son to let him know that generosity can be returned..that it often is.. Really touched by this gesture.. So much better coming from someone from afar who cares--better than it would be coming from us. There is something mystical sometimes about the "emptying out" --and what can end up filling that space can often be something so much more precious..such as the kind gesture of someone who has never even met him. The bandz are not important, but that gesture is--and the feeling I think it gave to him when I told him this morning that someone he didn't even know cares about him..

What do you think?????

Buying Stuff: Checklist

2010-10-11T08:00:00.000-07:00

Our DVD recorder no longer records. It cost us $200 about 4 years ago. It has NOT been used heavily. It was supposed to be a good brand. Panasonic. Frustrated. (this is a panasonic player-but not the one we have--still we may never buy Panasonic again..Our Panasonic phones have had very poor quality/performance as well.)

Because I am often frustrated with buying things that break, or finding out they are toxic, or there is a recall, etc, I thought I'd make a list of questions to ask myself before making a purchase. (keeping in mind sustainability as well)

Here is my preliminary list.

Materials: toxic? will the toxicity impact our bodies, or a landfill? If this item is for making food-what is it made of?? will it leach toxins into the food you eat/drink? Toys--lead, phalates, BPA? Was it made from recycled or raw materials? How are those materials extracted?
How are the people treated who extract and manufacture your product? How is the land treated in the process? pesticides? toxins disposed of? trees cut down/replanted?
Place of manufacture and extraction of materials--what toxins were released in its creation? was it made locally or from many places? Was rainforest destroyed making this product?
How will it be disposed of? --recycled? will it cause more toxins in its disposal?
Quality Expectations and Price balance-How long will it last? And is this item something I can afford? Will the cheaper one ultimately save money? what is the (true cost) of the cheaper one--did someone else pay the price (cheap labor, someone else's backyard destroyed?) Would delaying gratification--(saving and waiting for the better one) ultimately enable me to have one that will last much longer? Can I really afford the true cost of the item? Am I buying the cheaper one just because I can't wait to save up? (if I absolutely can't ever afford it, can I get it used?)
Can I make this item?
Can I use something else to substitute for this item instead of "buying" something new?
Can I buy it used?
Can I borrow it? How often will I use it? (do I REALLY need it?)
Can I live without it? (Do I REALLY need to replace my dishwasher?) Does handwashing really take more time?
What do I need this item for? Will I need it NOW or can it put it off for when I will really need it?
Am I responding to external pressure to buy it? --a sale/bargain..it is popular to have this item. an impulse. they might run out of them.
If I am buying it new, have I read the reviews on it? Are the reviews from people who have used it 1-5x, or someone who has owned it for years?
Instant Gratification--What is my mindset? Am I being impulsive or am I able to walk away and resist it? Am I in charge or is the "impulse" in charge of me?
Do I need to be dependent on this product? Is there a way to live without it? what creative way could I go without it?
Is it replacing a broken item that could be fixed? (it may be cheaper to buy a new one instead of fixing it, but remember that a new one requires the manufacturing of new raw materials too) Can you support a local artisan/mechanic by having it fixed instead? Can you fix it yourself?
Does this item have the ability to fix/replace parts? Does it have metal or plastic internal parts? Is it all integrated-so if one part fails, you are forced to replace the whole thing?
Your own criteria? Is buying this item congruent with your values? --what you value in life?
Each time you buy something you are taking a VOTE--what and who are you supporting by this purchase? small farm vs. big agribusiness? organic or GMO? local, sustainable business?? or large corporation that might be exploiting people, earth, natural resources? cheaply made or artfully constructed?
Sometimes the less toxic, sustainable purchase may not work as well as the toxic, cheaper product. What to do then? (sometimes dishwashing soap may not perform as well)--but it is gentler on the environment, and much less toxic to you. Which do you choose? Performance vs. its environmental impact? Is a little bit of sacrifice on performance worth the advantage to the environment??

Rember everything you own, is ultimately something more you have to "take care of"--take a look at what you have and how much time you spend "taking care of your stuff"--can you afford to have one more thing to "take care of"? Remember our stuff can be just as much of a burden as they can be time savers.. Does this item truly save time? or cost you Life Energy? what is its true cost? in hours worked to buy it? and time spent taking care of it? is this item truly worth it? Will this item take you away from the things that really matter? (for example computer games, movies, --time spent in front of a screen rather than time spent in recreation with your family--directly interating with them)

I recommend reading The Story of Stuff and Your Money or Your Life--for more thoughts on this whole process of consuming. (should you buy the books or check them out from the library-or find them used, or borrow them??) (-;

What do you use as a guide for buying stuff?? What is YOUR criteria??

Neighborhood Children's Classes

2010-10-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

this picture is a couple of years old representing some our our children and parents who attended then

Last weekend, we began our year's monthly children class. We've been doing this at our home for 3 years now, and before that we taught a toddler children's class at the Portland Baha'i Center. This year, we are taking a different approach. After attending Badasht Baha'i School this summer, (our first Baha'i summer school together as a family) we felt inspired to set in motion the possibility of opening up our class to our neighborhood children. I contacted the ATC (Area Teaching Committee) and they were on board right away. A weekend before the class began, the ATC came to our home to eat, pray, and go out to meet some of our neighbors.

Mike and I were very tentative about imposing upon our neighbors, so we simply went to people's homes we already knew and invited their children to attend the class, while giving them a flier I had created a few days beforehand. (It was the first time I've done something like that since college when I posted fliers around college campus kiosks inviting people to come to our Baha'i Club meetings. (And before that, when I was on my year of service and we invited children to come to a children's class in a model home in Twin Lakes, Michigan.)

In any case, we have been given the advice to pay attention mostly to what we learn from the "process" of this..because we are in a stage of transforming our Baha'i community(becoming more neighborhood centered)-the way we teach and our sense of community--and blurring the lines between us and them, Baha'i and non-Baha'i.. We are all a part of a community..and it is time to build up our neighborhood communities.

I think I am an introvert. I love people and I love building friendships, but I also thrive from being able to "regroup" with my thoughts..through journaling, reflecting, etc.. It is possibly outside of my comfort zone to do this. A part of me has been afraid of going over my head..suddenly finding myself with more than I can handle..Not wanting to become overwhelmed by this. Having the support of the ATC and our local LSA (local spiritual assembly) is greatly empowering us--making it seem manageable (especially since we have a baby coming in January..and I am also sometimes very tired just being pregnant and trying to keep up with my two children and the house and getting my children to school, etc..

So, I have started a new blog on THIS learning process..It seems worthy of its own blog and attention. Since part of this process is reflection and learning from what works and what doesn't, etc..

We'll see how it goes! Our family goal is to become more social with our neighbors...and to see what happens from that. I don't want the agenda to be solely to get the kids to come to the class..I think that would be a big turnoff to them if they felt this was the case. Part of this is also to give our children opportunities to build friendships within our neighborhood..How wonderful to have friends nearby to go visit and play with! And now, we are not balancing two schools, it is easier to concentrate on the possible friendships here! Another reason I am doing this is because I think it is a good idea in general to know our neighbors and to have a sense of what we can offer each other as a community. If there is ever an earthquake (and here in Oregon, we are on a major fault line)-expected to be a 9!! We may need each other in such a crisis! It would be good to know who to check on and what skills each person has in such an event. And of course--to simply find friendships.. We plan to be in the neighborhood for a long time..Building friendships is never a waste of time.

The new blog will be at:
http://strivingsaplings.blogspot.com/

Homestead Healing Begins

2010-10-08T09:28:00.000-07:00

photo from wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Russellquiltera.jpg
copyright says it can be reused--(as far as I can tell)

Below is the beginning of a new blog or new chapter/tab to this blog. Been thinking of the concept of Sustainability as Therapy, and came up with the name: Homestead Healing.. Here is the new blog address. Not sure how THIS will evolve yet, but want to jump on it while I'm thinking of it. Anyone want to collaborate on it?? I think if I have other people working on it with me, it could be quite remarkable!!

Here is the new blog address: http://homesteadhealing.blogspot.com/

I've been creating an evolving blog called Time Capsule on an Urban Homestead..In the beginning it was Time Capsule Eighties and the Now; for at that time I thought it would be a refective journal on childhood--I had started journaling when I was eight years old and still have all those journals throughout my 37 years of life.. I don't want those thoughts/pages to be lost. Laura Ingalls Wilder was my inspiration at the time, and who would have thought that even now, the idea of her and her lifestyle back then is now still so much of an inspriation to me. I haven't read the books since I was a child..Hmmmm..maybe I should re-read them now that my kids might be old enough to enjoy?? (My son is 7 and my daughter is 5) and the baby in my tummy will be greeting the world in January..(can't leave her out!)

By profession, I am educated as a teacher and a counselor, but have been home with the kids since my son was one. I often wonder where and how my career will develop...especially now that I am having my third child and am not getting any younger! I don't plan to go back to work anytime soon, but I do have some hope that I can provide some service/income from home/ from within this role..I don't want my career to make me unavailable to my children..or to have to put them into a childcare situation.

Over the past 3 years, ever since we bought our house, I've been on a journey that began with starting a raised bed garden, then taking some classes from Monique Dupre's: Sustainabe Living on a Budget..From there began some lifestyle changes...Had to! (still have to)

In that process, I felt a sense of "utopia"--nourishment, healing...On bad days, I'd find, how comforting it could be to find a new recipe or skill to try out...It turned my feelings of depression into feelings of pride and elatement, joy.. I was doing something wholesome and I was learning, and serving my family, all at the same time. There has to be something to that---this purifying one's lifestyle from the materialistic pressures of our current Western culture that is making us sicker by the day (on soooo many levels!!)--I found myself freeing myself from it bit by bit.. The more I learned, the more I could become independent of it. in baby steps.. Not where I want to be yet.. (you should see how cluttered we live, still..)--my biggest challenge, yet--growing up with a packrat and teacher mindset...collecting, keeping so much, being sentimental about my things, etc..

In any case, I have been mulling the idea of Sustainability as Therapy.. I am probably not the first to think of this...how transforming this process can be--how liberating, nourishing, comforting, uplifiting.. I suppose it is similar to the idea of Recreational Therapy, only, its end result is not just the "fun"--althought it is loads of fun!! It is about transformation of lifestyle, learning new skills, becoming more independent from the consumer culture, learning to eat/prepare real, unprocessed foods, becoming more frugal, living more simply, etc.. So, this is how my blog has evolved until now, and now for this it needs its own blog--the domain name timecapsuleeighties-does not fit at all anymore for this purpose.

***I hope to focus more on the healing process now in its theme, now that I have this vision: (but check out the other categories, because I get more into details of what you can do--there are sooo many things to learn: breadmaking, yogurt making, quilting, making clothes, knitting, gardening, parenting, providing a service to your community, preserving, meditation, exercise, (slowing down and simplifying, purging, networking-creating community, DIY home repair-car repair, and on and on... all of it can be liberating! (it is its own self-medication)--coping skills, transformative, life changing..

Sustainable Living on a Budget(workshops): Monique Dupre

2010-10-07T10:00:00.000-07:00

(some recent veggies from my garden!)---they are so beautiful to photograph)

http://www.sustainablebudget.com/
http://blog.oregonlive.com/extrahelpings/2008/11/_stephanie_yaothe_oregonianmon.html

I would not be fair to this series of local resources if I did not include Monique Dupre's contribution to my education. Three years ago, taking her first workshop was the catalyst that truly began my proactive journey towards changing our lifestyle and learning some skills...Sure, there were plenty of "seeds" for that before I met her, but her words were what I needed to hear to get started. She was the "kick in the butt" for me and full of ideas and actual skills that were a springboard for me and for many other people in this area.

Her inspiriation, I believe is Sally Fallon's Nourishing Traditions and Weston Price's research. But, I believe she has been on this track for many years and has a perspective on "simplicity" that is refreshing to me. I am not even close to getting to where she is in her food budget or her purity, but she continues to be an inspiration to me as I often refer back to the workshops I took with her.

She teaches about the importance of sustainability and that you truly can buy organic (how can we not when the alternatives are pretty bleak...cost of food or cost of healthcare (take your pick)--but she really has figured out how to do this on a very minimal budget.. Being a foodie does not mean you have to be rich or elite. I like that about her perspective, because I defintitely don't consider myself of the "elite"--

I've been to her house several times and she truly does live in a peaceful, simple way..taking care not to rush, and not to acquire too much to "take care of" Her daughters' playroom consists of simple toys (and not a lot of them) that are made from natural materials (nut shells, handcarved wood (possibly made by her husband), homemade waldorf dolls, etc.. There is not a TV in her home. She has chickens in her backyard and grains soaking on her countertops. She grinds her own wheat, makes her own bread..

Monique's daughter Solenne in their yard

a HUGE cabbage from Monique's garden!

Monquie also loves to fish!!

She gives some basic information, but then she gets nitty gritty and gives you some wonderful skills: how to make yogurt, creme fraiche, how to make bread, how to ferment foods, how to cook a wide variety of whole grains (and to make sure you soak them first!)-- I highly recommend that if you are a beginner, her classes are a great place to start if you want to learn some valuable skills.

Another positive contribution that I believe she has made is that she has also helped create a community in the area that can draw support from one another. She has a google group where members can email each other, share tips, and ask questions.

A Portland Food Buying Club/Co-Op: Know Thy Food/Warehouse Cafe/Daisies and Dinos/Portland Green Parenting

2010-10-07T09:19:00.000-07:00

(possible sign for the cafe) by Harmony Spangler)

I have the goal to eliminate my dependency on the grocery store as much as possible..

A couple of months ago, a friend recommended Portland Green Parenting's Food Buying Club: Know Thy Food founded by Rebecca Andersson, a local parent who cares about sustainability and healthy real food. She worked very hard to coordinate local consumers with farmers and out of that work, a wonderful creation: a food buying club at close to wholesale prices where locals can buy fresh produce, meat, fresh fish, local tuna, eggs, milk, (and more) from mostly local farmers. She also offers some CSA's-eggs csa-meat, csa- fruit and veggies,..and an opportunity with Taylor Made Farms to buy a cow share for raw milk. You can also buy sides of beef, lamb, pork, rabbit and chickens. I LOVE it! and each time I pick up my food, I get to meet members of the community as well..people who are taking charge of their food buying power, etc.. It is like a year-round-farmers market.

I was able to buy 50# of tomatoes for canning, and 30# of nectarines for jam, 15# of green beans for canning and freezing, etc.. (I don't have enough land to grow that much food for the winter!) Of course, like being a part of a CSA, you have to be ready to be flexible for the differing food seasons when you buy this way; however, each season has its food highlights which are probably appropriate for the nutrition we need for that season. Right now, apples and tomatoes are bountiful. Treat this week: freshly pressed cider! There is also chocolate, coffee, kambucha...the list is ever growing and changing upon availability..which keeps it interesting and has made me appreciate the food more--instead of thinking I'm entitled to have ALL food varieties ALL year long. When tomaotes are in season...I LOVE to eat tomatoes, etc.. In the winter- greens such as collard and kale, and root veggies are very nourishing.. (as well as being able to pull out from my stash of home canned and frozen produce)

http://knowthyfood.com/
http://portlandgreenparenting.com/

New to the warehouse, Rebecca has also opened up a coffee shop for morning breakfast and coffee. In the future there will also be a children's consignment shop included: Daisies and Dinos.

To become a part of this food buying club, you join, offer a yearly donation, based on what you can afford, and shop online. You pick up your food on Tuesday afternoon/eves. You also pay a co-op free which is a percentage of the food you buy..It helps them afford the 5-year lease of the warehouse, and the labor of coordinating all that food. What a wonderful service that is community based--

Our CSA: Birds and Bees Community Farm

2010-10-06T08:46:00.000-07:00

We have had a wonderful experience with our local CSA for almost 2 years now--been getting fresh fruit and veggies all year long (with extended winter share) We get a half share(since we also grow veggies in our yard) and take turns with a neighbor with the driving who also gets 1/2 share. Our once a month trip to the farm is something I really look forward to.

There are several good reasons to join a CSA (community supported agriculture)

supporting a local farm, your local economy, a small farm-sometimes a family--
Fresh local veggies
You are more in charge of your food-You can see where it comes from..see how it is grown
You get to experiment with new foods; it makes you eat more fruits and veggies.
You become more in touch with what is in season and learn to adapt to that-
Each week is a surprise--a treat to find out what you have in your box to try

It is run by John Martinson and Bev Koch. The farm is small, with only sixteen shares. They grow on a corner of Mahonia Land Trust Conservancy, 67 acres of green space, wildlife habitat, sustainable forest, and the farm. (I have excerpted some of what they had included in their email info on their farm)

"Birds & Bees Community Farm has since 1994 supplied fresh and nutritious produce to local households. As a farm participant, you get a share of whatever the farm grows, an assortment of vegetables, fruits, herbs, eggs, honey, and filberts. (each week's cost is equals out to be about $26--which includes a wonderful amount of food that feeds our family of 4 amply)--

They grow: "apples, arugula, Asian greens, basil, beans, beets, blueberries, broccoli, cabbage, carrots, cauliflower, cherries, celery, cilantro, corn, cucumbers, eggplant, eggs, figs, filberts, garlic, grapes, herbs, wildflower honey, kale, kiwis, kohlrabi, leeks, lettuce, loganberries, marionberries, melons, mustard, onions, peaches, pears, snow and snap peas, peppers (sweet & hot), plums and prunes, potatoes, pumpkins, radishes, raspberries, rhubarb, shallots, spinach, strawberries, Swiss chard, tayberries, tomatoes, turnips, winter squash, zucchini, and more? In any given year, some crops may fail, while others produce a bumper crop. We attempt, however, and generally succeed, in providing a balanced and varied assortment of produce week after week, absolutely fresh and grown for high nutrition and taste."

Recently, their cow gave birth.

Feeding the bunny and chickens is a treat for the kids! (not to mention getting some of their eggs in our share)

My daughter especially enjoys the swing!

Each share gets some honey each year

Never saw a solar oven before--although I've been hearing about them. Bev and John implement some wonderfully simple and sustainable ideas for their home.

Green houses keep us fed with wonderful salads all year!

some of the food all ready to be picked up!

the two shares all packed up and ready for the trip home--tons of yummy fruits and veggies this past week!

Birds & Bees Community Farm
20495 S. Geiger Road
Oregon City, OR 97045-9712
503-655-7447
johnbev@aracnet.com

To find your own Local CSA visit: http://www.localharvest.org/csa/

Wild Food Foraging

2010-09-26T19:58:00.000-07:00

John Kallas, Ph.D., Director, Wild Food Adventures (holding wild sweet pea)

http://www.wildfoodadventures.com/

This past summer, including today, I have taken 3 classes on Wild Foods from John Kallas here in Portland.

The first class, we went to an organic farm and learned about all the edible weeds that can grown on a farm, we picked an assortment and made a delicious salad with them.. I really do mean that it was delicious..You'd never realize how good some of these plants are! He doesn't like to call them weeds, because really they are native plants that are indeed edible, but often mistaken for weeds.

(rose hips)

The second class, was about survival. It was a foundation class that went over the types of survival and about some of the easier foods to find and prepare-ones to avoid because they take too much energy to prepare. He said that the number one important thing to do in a survival situation is to stay calm and simply look around for awhile and think about what your resources are and what is around you.. In other words, your psychological state is #1!! Chances are you want to leave that situation and food isnt' really your first priority(oftentimes)--people are usually rescued within 3 days and you can survive a month without food depending on the weather and conditions..water you need much sooner, though..

(beautyberry??(sp)

Today's class, was neighborhood foraging and we found lots of foods from an old city neighborhood, from trees, bushes, weeds...bushes. (rosehips, plums, english walnut, lindentree, (pokeweed bad-unless really cooked), sheep sorrel, chestnuts, cats ear, pulslane(sp?), hawthorne, mountain ash, wild fennel, mint, wild sweet pea, green amarath, english linden tree, oregon white oak, wild spinnach, red clover, etc..) Lots of food around here!! Learned that wild spinnach and wild garlic mustard are among the most nutritious greens known (and taste really good)!

english linden tree-like lettuce

Brought my husband and kids with me this time--little bit tricky with my kids..3 hours is a long time for them, I realized to listen and stand around looking at plants..but I think it was good for them to try.. My husband needed to take them for a couple breaks.. Realized that it is good for kids to be pushed sometimes even when they are bored--wasn't as fun for us, but character building for them (I hope)

In any case, these were fun and valuable classes. He offers many many more classes..I realized through the 3 classes that I took that there is a wealth of knowledge out there!! I only got a grazing of it.. There are many plants that are poisionous, so you really need to be careful and know what you are doing! (for example the wild carrot looks almost just like the VERY poisonous hemlock that can kill you even in a very small quanitity and tastes good..

John Kallas also has his first book out and plans to write a whole series.

Beginner Sewing and Knitting: Taking back the skillz

2010-09-24T17:28:00.000-07:00

Here is my first apron that I just finished about a week ago.

In part of my journey towards a sustainable lifestyle, I am determined to learn some of the skills that have been on my bucket list for years! I have always enjoyed crafting..As a child/youth, I made many a latch hooking, as a teen and college student, I got into oil painting, but I always wanted to know how to knit and sew. In 6th grade I took a home ec class and briefly learned to use a sewing machine, but didn't pursue it, because I thought it was not the "college track"--Even though, I enjoyed it, I did not think it was a class "worthy" of the track towards "success" and "being college educated". (what a snob I was)--and I really wasn't a snob.. especially in junior high..I was kind of shy and nerdy and not in the hip group..but I was a popular wanna-be-for sure! I did not always have the backbone or confidence to stand by and trust what I felt was right either-back then... I'd like an earring and someone would tell me it was ugly and then I'd think I was wrong in liking it-- (that is a whole other story of adolescent insecurities) In any case, I feel very differently about the "value" of this skill.. And really want to "take back the skills" that have been devalued during at least the last couple of generations.. For example: with this skill, I can make pajamas for my kids that are not filled with toxic flame retardant--take control of my own buying power so that I do not have to be limited by what is on the shelves or be "forced" into buying fume filled sleep ware.

And here I am, going back to it, because I really did want to learn how..and have always thought "the thought of knitting and sewing during the wintertime" a very warm and fuzzy thought--just as appealing as sitting in a cafe sipping a great latte..

**I am learning how to use a sewing machine and sew from patterns from classes at Portland Sewing--taking the complete 12 week course: Learning to Sew. 12 classes @ 3 hours/class. The first 4 week block, you make an apron, the second-a robe, and the third pajamas.

Portland Sewing: "We offer sewing classes for the beginner to the advanced stitcher wanting to learn something new, from sewing basics to pattern making, draping, tailoring and couture. No matter the class, our job is to make sure you gain skills, create a project you like, build your confidence — and have a good time doing it!" (My review is that I really like the instructors and the school. You can begin knowing nothing about sewing and feel after each 3 hour class, you have learned a great deal) I am not afraid to ask questions..and find it much easier to learn the skills and "tricks" than I would have trying to learn on my own.. The classes continue from the very beginner all the way to people who wish to do apparel design professionally! You begin with Learn to Sew (if you are a complete beginner)--Then you can continue to Beginning Sewing, then Intermediate, and so on.. I also believe that the prices are very reasonable considering each class is 3 hours long and you really get the help and the level of learning that matches where you are at in your skill level.

2111 NE 43rd Ave. Portland, OR
(503) 927-5457
Sharon Blair
http://www.portlandsewing.com/

I am learning how to knit from the book: Stitch and Bitch. (which breaks down each knitting skill into manageable bites) with simple projects for the beginner to intermediate..and interesting historical commentary on knitting.

Here is the Janome sewing machine I am making payments on on top of a sewing table I bought on Craigslist. (I really like that it has metal parts (built to last) and can lock in place the slooooowww speed)--because I am such a beginner! (-;

And here is the first 1/3 of the scarf I am working on. Knit Knit. Pearl Pearl.. (-;

And this is truly truly fun for me. I love create and get to see the "art" of what comes out of it; and I love to learn..and it is sooo useful. I am hoping to next learn how to knit a hat, and I also have high hopes of making Halloween costumes, curtains, learn to quilt, and hem up some pants. (if I can find enough "free time") Fall/winter is a good time to attempt this, I think as my garden slows down..

And I want to be a part of advocating for a wonderful (not quite lost art)--that is not just an art, but a very very useful skill.

Co-Sleeping and Baby Wearing

2010-09-24T16:15:00.000-07:00

I am 23 weeks pregnant now and feeling my little girl squirming around A LOT! She is making herself known to me more and more and I wonder how it feels to her to be inside of my uterus. I have spent many many hours in close proximity to my first two children. I carried my daughter a lot in an ergo carrier-like a kangaroo mom. She was always so content to be close to my body. I almost didnt' even need to think about it. It was one of the most calming places for her to habitate and it allowed me mobility--felt very natural. Both my children shared our bed a lot...depending on their need at the time. They don't really anymore except for some snuggle time on weekends, but I still snuggle them at night time in their own beds before bed..not every night, but often.. They look forward to it and ask for it.

Thinking about my new little girl and her experience--and how close she is to me now, and the transition from within my body to outside of it. Does she feel confined inside of me at all I wonder as it literally feels like she is trying to get out! (-; I think it is a very comforting place for a baby, depsite its cramped space..It is where she needs to be right now.. And afterwards, how much she will need to also be close by -in connection to me (and dad, and brother and sister, etc..)

Human beings are extremely undeveloped at birth; they can't support the weight of their heads, they cannot be mobile for months... Other (animal) babies are mobile almost at the beginning. Wearing my child kangaroo style, does seem so natural. I hadn't really reflected about this while pregnant before.. but it seems that the very nature of babies, that they indeed do need to be in close physcial connection-- I was such a newbie when my son was born and did not quite understand why he would flail up his legs whenever I place him backside down in his crib..(how unnatural that must have felt to him)..and how difficult it was to put him down and not wake him up..How much easier it is to simply tote a sleeping baby around (at times). My son, who is now 7, hated being put down. He wanted to be held alllll the time, and at that time I did not have an ergo carrier, so I often sat there, with him in my lap, waiting out his nap. (I do not have the luxury of that anymore!) I quickly learned with my daughter to "ergo" her, as I chased after my 2 year old toddler.

I wonder what else I will learn this time around.. It is nice to reflect on this as I am yet again pregnant. It solidifies my feelings about this. (I'm not anti-crib) It does have its usefulness..and there are times when I know I will need some psychological and physical space..as it become more appropriate for the baby.. But, I do think ideally wearing a child is a wonderful way to bond and meet the needs of a baby.. And co-sleeping is great too (up to a point)...as long as it is compatible with the parents feelings about it-- and the parents are still able to meet their own needs. There does come a time when the parents need to honor their own needs to be "separate" too...It cannot completely be a drain, or it may not be a good thing for their family. If it is causing too much hardship, then perhaps, some separation is better...

But, that separation should be a gentle transition. I learned with my daughter that for us (when we were ready to encourage her to stay in her crib) that I didnt' want to entirely have her "cry it out"..I put a mattress next to her crib and stayed with her until she felt safe..and I often had to be there with her, especially during moments of regression caused by colds, teething, growth spurts..and simply unknown reasons sometimes..

Wonder what will work with this new daughter-of mine?? and what will work for us as a family with 3 children.. I definitely no longer have the luxury of making up sleep lost during the night.. 5:30am is wake up time for me so I can make breakfast and lunch and get my kids ready for school.. Not much time before I have to pick up my daughter from 1/2 day kindergarten. I'm sure I will be in a survival mode of sorts for quite awhile.. Sometimes, it depends on what a family can endure--Because sleep is soooo necessary for being able to function.

But as my daughter squirms inside me, I believe with all my heart that keeping her as close to me, as much as I can, is the right thing in the beginning. It is the nature of the baby--to need that. And it goes beyond babyhood too--as I said, my 7 and 5 year olds still need it, not as often, but certainly on a regular basis. It does not make them "dependent"-- Both my children learned to sleep through the night..not as fast as the rigid crying it out method, but they got there and I think they are pretty well adjusted, independent, and feel safe and confident.

Hidden Room Dreams

2010-09-19T11:01:00.000-07:00

I have a recurring dream that I find new parts of my home that I never knew were there before. This morning, I finally slept in! (I've been pretty wound up lately about getting our home ready for the baby, getting the kids started in school, canning, and learning how to use a sewing machine(and realizing how much more I can do with this new skill), We also just found out we are having a GIRL! (-;

In any case; I, having finallly gotten a full night's sleep, had one of those dreams:

I was wandering in my home(I think I went downstairs: yesterday we just started fixing the drywall in one of the rooms in our basement) While downstairs, I found a new part of the house/room that had its own kitchen and refrigerator. The kitchen part was up a step/a short level higher than a sitting area..There was a big refrigerator (I sometimes wish our refrigerator was larger)--On the lower level, there were also couches and shelves of stuff left from the previous owner filled with really nice pots and pans..I was really excited for the expansion of what I could do in this open fun- feeling space. There was also a large door with windows with light streaming inside, leading outside to a city street and the ocean...felt like I was in a beach town..Then as I looked around some more I realized that this room was like an indoor courtyard connected to others people's homes. The space was shared..and down a hallway were other shared rooms for sewing and crafts and tons of other fun stuff..People started showing up..There was a Baha'i event going on..Lots of people talking together..coming and going, getting food, going to the crafting areas..

My general feeling was of awe---It felt wonderful.. At first I was excited about the expansion of our home, but then I realized that there was so much more with how it opened up to the community. It was busy and happy, and creative..

I love this kind of dream!

Harvesting and Canning

2010-09-04T04:56:00.000-07:00

Home Harvesting-pears, fennel, pumpkins, blackberries, strawberries, garlic, beans, tomatoes, broc,

good crop of garlic this year!

ordered 20 # of nectarines for jam--surprised just how good the jam is! http://knowthyfood.com/

plum-pear jam, and nectarine jam

Farmers market green beans

Dilly Beans!

Optional

2010-09-03T09:56:00.000-07:00

Someone told me recently that what I do is "optional"...It has hit a nerve.

There are so many assumptions and so much ignorance and bias implied in that one word.

What was it that was considered optional:

canning, growing food, going to the farm to pick up our veggies, buying food in bulk, making food from scratch, composting, attempting to phase out the grocery store, taking my children on outdoor adventures-like going fishing..

Optional-unimportant..

All this work I do, unimportant... ??

Honestly, I question it sometimes...It is not a "convenient lifestyle". Often the cleaning of our house is put as a second priority..so our home is not as groomed as it could be..Dandelions and clover are out of control in our yard. And we aren't even worth yet, of being really "green"...We have too much "stuff" are cluttered..we watch TV, etc.. Our life is not simplified enough..We live in 2 worlds still..

I spend a lot of time in the kitchen...Someone might look at me...barefooted and pregnant and think I'm some kind of Betty Crocker(stereotype).. But, I'm not...I don't think of myself as a 1950's type..I think my views are more radical/liberal than that..but in many ways I'm conservative too. (I don't think it is bad to be liberal or conservative-I'm not one or the other) I'm religious, but my religion is "different"...I am a Baha'i..and my beliefs do not fit into a conventional box.. Some have told me we are going to Hell, because we do not think Christ is the "only" truth.. We believe in Christ, Buddha, Muhammad, Moses, Zoroaster, and Baha'u'llah. So, I don't think I quite fit into the Betty Crocker(stereotype) box..I cringe at terms like "housewife"-I am not subservient to my husband. I do not see my purpose in life as singularily serving his needs. (I believe women and men are equal and deserve equality) I dress up very little. I do not wear make up and rarely even jewlery(although I'm thinking I'd like a pretty pair to wear recently..) My cakes are messy..My pie crusts fall apart. My sewing and knitting looks like a child's work. I am not much a "neat and tidy" /perfectionist person.. But I do like some order, and I like my house to be clean(not gross)..I don't really like the clutter, (but my house is cluttered)..

I'm digressing.. I went on another tangent.. (-; Anyway- Optional:

what I am getting at is a feeling of importance...I might have been thinking about "going back to work" or trying to "earn money somehow" just about now. I; however, am about to have another baby in January..and if at all possible, still wish to be available and not have a day care raise my child...just as I've felt about my other 2 children..

Would my job be seen as necessary or "optional" even so... as the "secondary bread winner"??

What I have been doing, to me, is not "optional" but very important...I honestly feel I am part of a kind of revolution... Notice the headlines lately? how often food is contaminated...how often you find that the food or products you use are full of toxins, are made poorly... Everything is now based on "convenience"..and ruled by what marketers tell us we need...We have become locked into a dependency upon that convenience.. I am TRYING to break free of that as much as possible.. shifting from convience to value..

But, what I am doing is "optional"...maybe doesn't even taste as good sometimes to the kids as the store bought white bread.. Why do it--spend hours doing something you can buy really cheap?? what is the point? Why spend hours learning to knit a scarf, when you can simply buy one for $5? Why do this to myself?...if it is "optional"? and my scarf is full is mistakes...and not as "neat" as the one from the store!? because I'm so new at this..and just learning ...like a child..

I don't have credibility yet... My garden growing skills are also still novice..still learning.. Everything I'm doing is novice, because I've only just started over the course of the past 3 years.. I'm not a "master" of it yet..and it takes me longer..and I'm spending too much money on books and getting it all started.. the wood for our raised beds..initial investments that are hopefully going to last for years..(hopefully)

all optional??

hearing that word, hurts...because sometimes, I'm not even sure if I am dong the right thing. and sometimes, I backslide on the principle of sustainability...

Sometimes, I am filled with a grand sense of purpose in doing this---and other times, I wonder if I am wasting my time.. Sometimes, these battles are not always won.. buying a water bottle, then finding it has BPA in it..then buying another water bottle...feels wasteful..and frustrating that it is not always clear-cut and easy to figure out.

It has become increasingly more and more difficult for consumers to figure out what is okay and safe to buy...and even at the vet..do I trust to vet to not "over-vaccinate my pet"...or the doctor to not "over vaccinate, over treat, overly intervene"...I am learning that sometimes there is way too much invasiveness in medicine...and I think this over-treating can be detrimental to our health...too many vaccines=too many chemicals... Our dentist x-rayed my children without even asking me if it was okay. My vet put a pesticide on my cat without asking me first! an accumulation of chemicals...exposures..all so we can live longer..(I guess)...Pharma--"just give them a drug to make them feel better" There are drugs for everything!

My point is, I am trying to change my/our life around...trying to decrease our dependency...but it is not convenient...

but to me it is NOT optional! because the current way of "convenience" is not sustainable....Why would I want to be on any other path than this one where I am striving to change how I think..which is not really "mainstream"---and definitely not convenient...

but I love it...I love the learning..even if it doesn't look polished yet..even if I don't look completely "credible" or earn prestige from doing it.. even if someone thinks I'm some kind of 1950's housewife.. I am not doing this; however, just for my family; I am dong it, because I feel I am a part of a larger change that I think needs to happen..and I'm doing because I enjoy it..and feel good about it, and feel like I an artist...it gives me the same kind of satisfaction as it does when I have created an oil paining, or wrote a term paper for my masters degree.. I do it, with as much professionalism, love, and effort, as I did to earn my BS and MS and apply for jobs.. It is my profession right now..my livelihood, and it takes just as much effort and intelligence and SKILL!! as any outside of the home job I have had.. and I work hard at it.. and I'm still on a learning curve with it..

but it does not give me "title" or prestige. or raises, or pay, or promotions..sometimes it doesn't even save me money (yet)--I'm working on that part..

but optional?? unimportant??

Isn't the tip of the iceberg of putting down what a woman might do as "inferior"! I am a feminist in this sense--that I am sensitized to this--and I am a feminist--that I believe a woman has a right to choose what she loves to do--to be able to choose her path...

And what I LOVE to do is be a full-time mom, and a "radical-homemaker"...and perhaps a writer..if I ever get past my rudimentary rough draft stage of writing... (-; And I've worked as a teacher and a counselor(program therapist and play therapist)--I've been there too and may go back to it when my children are in school full-time..

But for now, I am here, at home in this profession.. that I love..

doing what I love and following my own sense of integrity and purpose is NOT OPTIONAL..

A Glimpse of the past

2010-09-01T11:01:00.000-07:00

After a day of canning dilly beans; and blanching and freezing corn, beans, and strawberries, I was feeling exhausted this morning. I layed down on the couch and listened to my children play. Sequoia was pretending she was the ice cream truck driver only she was selling kittens instead of ice cream. Tristan was buying them from her.

I closed my eyes and felt completely at peace and the image of my grandparents home in Vermont came into my mind. I was a child playing in their home during an overnight visit. My grandmother dressed in a simple dress and apron was making breakfast. The smell and sounds of pancakes, bacon, perculating coffee aromated in the background and my mother and grandmother chatted. There was very little technology or "stuff" in their home, and it had a smell..of food and this old house smell with it's old decor and furnishings..like the home was still locked into the 40's (except for the large color TV in the livingroom). There was an old rotary dial/shared phone line. If it rung once it was for them, twice for the other party line (or the other way around).

Everyone was relaxed and there was no hurry to the day.. We were there to visit, play, eat, and let the day unfold, no other agendas. I had a small box of toys, my grandparents kept there for me, and that was enough..

My grandmother was unendingly patient. She would play and engage with me. I remember she and I lined up the chairs in a row and pretended they were a train we would travel on with the toys. She and I would also tell stories to each other, recreate episodes of Little House on the Prairie or the Waltons. I will never forget the hours she would spend with me, often allowing me to "lead" the play. She never seemed to mind or feel pressed to be doing something else.

All kinds of Growing

2010-08-04T18:34:00.000-07:00

Growing has been tricky this year. My body has needed a lot of my energy to grow this child inside of me through this first semester and I have been unable to "grow as much in other ways". It has been a challenge to have such an aversion to food during this time and still need to cook...Normally, I love to cook, and during this period of time; I have hated it. Hard to lose the joy of something, but it has been temporary. My energy and my joy for growing and cooking has been gradually returning.

Growing has also been tricky this year because of the weather. We have had an unusually wet Spring up until the end of June, so finally July we've been having some good sun and growing weather, but my garden is behind and off-schedule. I have had to replant a couple of times certain foods because they utterly failed, died, or did not even germinate. Other crops have done fine.. (garlic, onions, pumpkins, peas, etc..)

Now, I am wanting to can in a serious way!.. I made some strawberry preserves..but I wish to take advantage of these wonderful peaches that are in season right now. I missed my opportunity (again) to preserve or freeze some asparagus.. Next year, I hope.. I also don't think I'm going to have a good crop of green beans this time.. Some are producing now, but many of my plants were eaten by bugs. :(

Yesterday, I harvested potatoes and today about 1/3 of my garlic was ready to harvest. This is my first "go" at garlic.

The pile of dirt we dumped out to find potatoes in. It is like an Easter egg hunt for the kids.

This past weekend, we stayed at a cabin on a lake owned by a friend of the family. On Sunday, we went on a hike with a "purpose"-to find huckleberries! It think we were able to go much further than normal because of this fun goal..They are very small berries, though, so it takes a lot of them to fill a cup!

On another topic, my husband bought me a new camera for my (37th) birthday. It is a used Cannon D50 and I am having a lot of fun experimenting with what it does!

Sorry for my absence

2010-08-04T17:23:00.000-07:00

I am now almost 16 weeks along and feeling much better. I have neglected this blog, but have not forgotten it!! I plan to post soon and "catch up" "Stay tuned" (-;

Early Warning: Odds of Cooking the Grandkids

2010-06-16T10:05:00.000-07:00

Early Warning: Odds of Cooking the Grandkids

This is why we really really need to change how we consume---we are possibly killing our grandchildren...by the way we currently live and think..

Sustainability, Pregnancy, and Compromises

2010-06-14T21:07:00.000-07:00

I have not been writing so much lately (except in my private journal). This seems to have been a time of inner-reflections for me and coming to the realization that we are in the process of being participants in creating a new family member. I am also in the midst of morning sickness..the most unrewarding, slow period of pregnancy (in my experience)... (the baby is sooo small at this point--the size of a large olive) All of the enjoyment I have found from cooking and gardening and trying new things is now dwarfed by this feeling of nausea...Right now, I am just trying to get through each day..I'm slowing down..falling back on old recipes (and even not cooking, but doing take-out, warming up frozen Trader Joes meals)---It feels icky to me to be regressing in my food goals, but right now I can't stand being in the kitchen or doing dishes. I am eating much more sugar than usual...I get liquids down by drinking juice or carbonated juices/gingerale. I'm not saying this to sound all dramatic--or to complain.. but to admit that I have been compromising in order to get through these few weeks.. I don't like it. I don't feel good about it, but not sure how else to do it. All I can say is that it is temporary...this will pass and I will be ravenous for good food again. (I haven't been eating completly badly---I still make soup and salad still tastes pretty good, and some fruits..) but I have bought a fair amount of "processed foods" lately...and it kind of feels icky.. I've mainly steered away from a good portion of processed foods for awhile.. not completely, but my dependence upon them has greatly decreased over the past couple of years (until now)--

I guess I say all this because I wish to be honest in the struggle towards sustainability.. It is not always straightforward--and the journey is not always upwards 100% of the time. I do know that I can't wait for this part to be over and to be back to cooking from scratch, making bread, gardening more enthusiastically... I love 2nd trimester (nesting)

This is one of those challenging periods...what does one do, when one can't cook? A supportive community is good in this case.. (not that I expect anyone to be bringing food over)--but in a much more ideal community life--that might happen more.. and then fewer "processed food" compromises would need to be made. I really really don't mean that to put anyone in my community down for not doing it at all! (I haven't done it for others enough to even come close to hoping for this)--and I do think one Baha'i in our community actually did offer to do this for me, which I haven't felt compelled to call her on yet.. But, it is a mind-set...that I'm not even fully a part of yet...

And, if I was working, it would be even harder to make healthy food at this point.. All in all, I'm grateful. I'm in my 9th week, my first doctor's appointment is Friday..So far so good..I'm not bed-ridden or dehydrated (knock on wood)..I'm functioning...but on a much slower, less productive pace.. and it seems to be a time of reflection...I think I'm paying attention to my kids more as I am less distracted by getting things done.. There have been some good moments with them lately..

This is also a good reminder of what it might feel like to have chronic health issues...this nausea doesn't really go away...it is always with me except when I sleep.. It waxes and wanes in its intensity, but I know it will be mostly over in a couple of weeks (I hope).. I have to find a way to ignore it, but still not ignore it so much that I'm forgetting to keep snacking to keep it minimal.. to remember to drink..even though it makes it feel worse.. Mind over matter..so that I can keep going and not completely have it rule me. Like an exercise in mediation.. How does one "ignore" nausea?? Well, some tricks I have found involved going outside...esp. when it is sunny..(that helps) ginger helps, snacks help, getting protein helps, talking to friends really helps, (and simply laying down) helps. (Being on the computer does not help, however) :-/

One Family Car

2010-06-01T21:47:00.000-07:00

Ok, we bought a van. It is not the best choice in terms of gas mileage, not the greenest vehicle, but I think we are doing this in a "green way" First of all, we are expecting a third child which makes it nearly impossible to fit 3 childrens' car seats in the back seat of our smaller cars. (but I confess that we were getting a van even before we found out our "news") because there have been just too many times we have had other people we wanted to include with us on trips and the smallest of economy vehicles that we have owned since "BF" (before family) are being "overgrown" with having a now larger family unit. (even larger come January) and our camping trips...very tricky to pack the four(soon 5) of us and our camping gear into a an economy car (even with a car top carrier)

My husband has been talking about wanting to sell his economy car for years. He hates to commute and bikes whenever he can. With our desire to get a van, he tested out his ability to bike more often and then also to use the public transportation system. After a fair trial, he decided he much preferred this commute than the one behind the wheel.. He gets more exercise, and when he takes the bus, he can relax, read a book, enjoy the people around him, not to mention support the PT system of our city.

So, I also decided to sell my car, so that with the combined sales of both our cars plus a little more, we could try to get the best van we could without adding a "car payment" which we currently cannot afford. So, for about $3900 we got ourselves a 2001 Dodge Grand Caravan.

It is nothing fancy, but it should be a good van for a long time if we take care of it and we do not have the stress of a car payment. Granted, we may have a little more maintenance to do on it..but we don't drive a whole lot..about 10-12,000 miles a year.. I think at that rate, we may do just fine.

So, we are a one-car family now! And we are going to make that work. I like the idea that we are simplifying.. There are may ways to make it work--to have one car. especially when you have bike trails and public transportation. So, we "dodge" the upward mobility ticket--We are not buying an "impressive" vehicle. I want to state here and now that I am unimpressed by the "impressive" I would much rather be happy, and simple, than rich and "impressive" I think this "used" and "simple" way of purchasing stuff could actually become the new "black"...and I think it needs to--because buying new..or the latest...is not going to help our planet one bit..and research shows, that the higher the income(over a modest income that provides basic needs)--the lower the life satifisfaction-happiness. Money does not equal happiness!! (I read this in both Radical Homemaking and The Story of Stuff)

The true trick to happiness is the ability to not depend on stuff for happiness..to find satisfaction with "less" I believe this whole heartedly and it is my goal to integrate this as much as I can. bit by bit..

We are perfectly happy to have our "old van"--and I feel no need or desire to have a newer one (so long as this one works well and reliably with regular maintenance). What else do we need, really? the latest gadgets? (not really, those gadgets simply create more things that will break and have to be fixed and cost more $$ in the long run)

Living Life Now--in mind and body-Meditation

2010-05-25T20:36:00.000-07:00

I just read the book The Miracle of Mindfulness. Recommended by my friend, Monique (the person whom I have taken sustainability classes from)-Sustainable Living on a Budget. (Right now I am way too tired to be writing..I just couldn't figure out how to spell miracle...experiencing that "fog" of fatigue.. But, I really have wanted to talk about this so here it goes..hope it isn't too incoherent.

The basic idea... So often we get through each moment with the hope of what is coming next. Getting the dishes done quickly so we can enjoy our cup of coffee afterward. If we live in this way, chances are we not only don't live while we are doing this dishes, but we also won't while drinking the coffee (or tea)... chances are that while drinking the "treat"..we'll be thinking of the next thing..or something in the past, etc..

Thich Nhat Hanh, says that it is important that while we do anything, we think about what we are doing..We purposely make ourselves aware of it and appreciate it. For example, while washing the dishes, think about what you hands are doing, how the water feels, what the bubbles look like, how it smells, how nice it feels to get it clean, etc.. And that this idea can translate even during times we are doing something we really don't like...

For parents: He also talked about not dividing up our concept of time--my time, your time, family time, work time...If you live in the present, it all becomes "me time"..Wow, fancy that! (-; How many times, do I plead to my husband to take over so I can find a little "me time".. ??!

He taught that to do this--you need to become aware of your breath--I'm breathing in 123..breathing out 123.. (there's more to it than just that, but it seems that is the first step) He said that we can become more in control of our fears... (I've had a bit of insomnia lately and I decided to practice this and it may not have put me to sleep, but it kept my worries and excitement from taking control of my mind)---i just found out that we are "expecting" ..

I think about this, because there are days when I don't think I've truly related to my children...wasn't present. They are going to (and are) growing up so quickly and one of my fears is that I'm going to wake up and realize one day that I didn't even "experience it"--I was too cluttered in my mind..and wonder if I really experienced such a miraculous time. There are days when I really think I missed out, because I was "too busy"--not just physically busy, but too preoccupied.

I'd like to be more present.. with the people that mean the most to me especially.. (and that is tricky because I am introverted--I feel replenished by time in introspection and I daydream a lot--that is until I hear..."Mommy, can I have some water...) (-;

Fiddling

2010-05-19T21:12:00.000-07:00

I've been neglecting my practicing a bit... Life has a way of getting ahead of me sometimes, but even though I've been neglecting it of late, I want to include the idea of it here. I LOVE learning to play the violin! It is an amazing instrument and the music...I have found a true love in fiddle and bluegrass music..old time too.. I wasn't sure if I could do it, but it has been much easier to learn than I had expected I started 2 years ago. (It is just about my 2 year anniversary of first taking it up. When I listen to and play the music, it fills me with joy! (and that feeling has not lessened at all) I started with doing Suzuki Method with my children. (Both my children are learning too)--However, we are not intensely involved in it. I could not keep up with the pace at the Music Center and balance 2 schools-elementary school and preschool (and life). (but the program at the Portland Community Music Center is EXCELLENT!!-a great value for how much they include--private and group lessons and music classes, recitals, discounted and free concerts, adult classes too) However, we are learning at our own pace(taking a private lesson 1-2x/month, and for myself, I am taking an adult Fiddle Class each week. My children practice 2-3x/week..

http://www.communitymusiccenter.org/

The Suzuki Method is pretty amazing. The basic premise orignated by Suzuki is that learning an instrument is like learning a language, something everyone is capable of..even very young children..and if you teach it like you do language through an immersion program, they will learn it. He truly believed in the abilities of children. There were some reallly inspiring stories even some children who had limited mobility with their hands..who gradually learned to play it..

I'm not a big fan of "over-scheduling my kids" but this is one thing I am doing with them--at a very gentle pace so that in our lives it does not have a huge footprint...unless and until they "love" it...then we might take it up a notch if they seem to want to pursue it.. but perhaps they may choose a different interest, and I will adapt to that. But for me, I LOVE it!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suzuki_method

Baha'i Quotations on Music

"We have made music a ladder by which souls may ascend to the realm on high.

(Compilations, The Compilation of Compilations vol II, p. 73)

1362. It is necessary That the Schools Teach Music

"...The art of music is divine and effective. It is the food of the soul and spirit. Through the power of music the spirit of man is uplifted. It has wonderful sway and effect in the hearts of children, for their hearts are pure and melodies have great influence on them. The latent talents with which the hearts of these children are endowed will find expression through the medium of music. Therefore, you must exert yourselves to make them proficient; teach them to sing with excellence and effect. It is incumbent upon each child to know something of music, for without knowledge of this art, the melodies of instrument and voice cannot be rightly enjoyed. Likewise it is necessary that the schools teach it in order that the souls and hearts of the pupils may become vivified and exhilarated and their lives be brightened with enjoyment."
('Abdu'l-Bahá: Promulgation of Universal Peace, p.52)
(Compilations, Lights of Guidance, p. 410)